In this post: How to write a one-point concession paragraph that is fully developed, how the conclusion explains why the concession is weaker, and five of my marked essays compared, from 6.5 to 7.5.
Outweigh essays · 3 parts
- 1. Question types and paragraph blueprints
- 2. Concession, conclusion and five essays (you are here)
- 3. Rewrite, mistakes, plan and practice
✦ In this post
5. Writing the concession paragraph: one point, fully developed
In the five-paragraph structure the concession paragraph has only one point, but it must not be too light. If each advantage gets 100 words and the disadvantage gets a single passing sentence, the examiner will feel you have not really discussed the other side. My approach is to run the concession paragraph through the full “topic sentence → explanation → example → mini-conclusion” sequence too.
The concession paragraph of Essay 21 (free museum admission, band 7):
However, there are some downsides associated with free tickets, one of which is that it decreases the revenue of the museums. For instance, expenditure likes the salary of facilities and maintenance cost is undoubtedly high, if they unable to earn money from visitors, the museums authorities will encounter some difficulties to pay for their bill. In other words, there is no denying that offering free tickets results in financial burden of museums; therefore, money issue is one of the significant adverse effects of offering free entrance.
What works: the opening, However, there are some downsides associated with…, one of which is that…, clearly signals “this is the concession”, and it covers just one point (lower revenue), with an example and a mini-conclusion. What could be better: expenditure likes should be like; high, if they unable to… joins two sentences with a comma (a comma splice) and is missing the verb are; salary of facilities should be staff salaries.
Compare the opening of the concession paragraph in Essay 15 (driverless vehicles, band 6.5):
Those opposed to the usage of driverless vehicles due to the following two reasons.
This sentence has no main verb, so it is incomplete. The bigger problem: this was an Outweigh question, yet I put two points (job losses and road safety) in the disadvantage paragraph, each with only a sentence or two, and squeezed the two advantages into a single paragraph as well. The whole essay became a “2 + 2 list of advantages and disadvantages” and never built an argument that the advantages were heavier.
The concession paragraph in Essay 45 sits between the two. It covers only one point (young parents are busy at work and lack help from older relatives with childcare), which is the right direction, but the paragraph has only four sentences, and the last one, the importance of children’s education is so important that…, says “the importance is important”. My advice is to make the concession paragraph 65–80 words, roughly 80% of an advantage paragraph: complete enough, but not so long that it steals weight from your main position.
6. The conclusion: explain why the concession is weaker
In an Outweigh essay the conclusion is the most important part. It has three jobs:
- Restate which side is greater.
- Put both sides on the scales in one sentence: the benefits of A and B surpass the difficulty of C.
- Explain why C matters less, or offer a recommendation that solves C.
Three common ways to do step 3:
| Why C is weaker | Sentence pattern | Example |
|---|---|---|
| It can be solved | Furthermore, it is recommended that … | Government funding for museums can make up for the revenue lost through free admission |
| It affects fewer people | C only affects a small group of …, whereas A and B benefit the whole society. | Job losses affect only some occupations, while safety and the environment affect everyone |
| Short term vs long term | C is a short-term problem, while A and B bring long-term benefits. | Inconvenience during the transition vs long-term gains in efficiency |
The conclusion of Essay 45 is a complete model:
In conclusion, I reiterate that the benefits of this outweigh its drawbacks. This is because the advantages of increased income to the government and higher productivity in the workplace surpass the difficulty of taking care of offspring. Furthermore, it is recommended that the authorities should implement childcare support to enhance social well-being.
The second sentence puts both advantages and the one disadvantage on the scales, and the “childcare support” in the third sentence answers exactly the childcare problem from the concession paragraph. In effect it tells the reader: this drawback can be dealt with, so the advantages are heavier. Essay 21 ends with the same logic: recommending that the government fund museums solves precisely the revenue problem caused by free admission.
Now compare the conclusion of Essay 15:
On balance, it is my opinion that the advantages of driverless vehicles surpass the disadvantages because they are economical and environmentally friendly, as I feel that saving money and energy is essential for achieving long-term success in sustainable development in related industries.
It only repeats the advantages and never says why job losses and road safety matter less. Judged against the Task Response descriptors, an Outweigh essay that does not actually compare the two sides has answered only half the question. That is very likely the main reason TR stayed at 6 for this essay.
7. Comparing five of my essays
| Essay | Prompt (my paraphrase) | Type and structure | TR / CC / LR / GRA | Overall |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Essay 15 | In future all vehicles will be driverless. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? (Cambridge 16, Test 4) | Outweigh, but written as four paragraphs, 2 + 2 | 6 / 6 / 7 / 7 | 6.5 |
| Essay 21 | Free admission to museums: do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? | Outweigh, five paragraphs, 2 + 1 | 7 / 7 / 7 / 7 | 7 |
| Trial essay 26A | Working or travelling for a year after secondary school: advantages and disadvantages + opinion | Advantages/disadvantages + opinion, four paragraphs, 2 + 2 | 7 / 6–7 / 6 / 6 | 6.5 |
| Essay 43 | Advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything if they try hard enough (Cambridge 15, Test 4) | Advantages and disadvantages only, four paragraphs, 2 + 2 | 8 / 8 / 8 / 7 | 7.5 |
| Essay 45 | More young adults than older people in the population: do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? (Cambridge 12, Test 2) | Outweigh, five paragraphs, 2 + 1 | 8 / 8 / 7 / 7 | 7.5 |
Essay 43: the standard way to answer an advantages-and-disadvantages-only question (7.5)
This question only asks about advantages and disadvantages and does not ask for my position, so the second sentence of the introduction is:
The purpose of this essay is to analyze both merits and demerits of this phenomenon.
The two body paragraphs open with There are some reasons why telling this to children seems to be beneficial. The primary one is that… and However, teaching children that their dreams will undoubtedly come true is sometimes disadvantageous. First and foremost…. Each paragraph has two points with clear sequencing words (The primary one / Another factor; First and foremost / Secondly). The conclusion summarises each side once without forcing in a position:
Teaching children this view can motivate them to find their real dreams and boost their full potential; nevertheless, it sometimes poses a financial burden and causes mental illnesses as well.
Why did Lexical Resource reach 8 in this essay? My analysis: the vocabulary is not difficult, but the collocations are natural and fit the situation in the question precisely. For example, the disadvantage paragraph says that when these children grow up they do not take the possibility of failure into consideration, which leads to inappropriate anticipation of the outcome, and finally lands on financial burden and mental well-being. Every phrase describes the same chain of cause and effect rather than changing words for the sake of it.
Logically, the two advantages are also clearly separate: one is about motivation (daring to chase the goals you really want instead of picking easy ones), the other about ability (being willing to work on yourself, which raises society’s competitiveness). The two disadvantages are one financial (losing money by underestimating the risk of failure) and one psychological (not being prepared for pressure). The four points come from different angles and do not overlap.
This essay got 8 for TR, CC and LR. Small errors: they can success should be succeed; evaluate the sides of getting loss is unclear. What I meant was “assess the risk of failure”, so evaluate the risk of failure would do.
Trial essay 26A: right structure, marked down for vocabulary (6.5)
This question needed advantages/disadvantages plus opinion, and my structure was right: the second sentence of the introduction was The purpose of this essay is to analyze both sides of this argument and explain the reason why I think that it is advantageous to do so, and the conclusion gave my position and proposed solutions (regulations and bank loans can deal with the drawbacks). That is why TR got 7.
But LR and GRA were both only 6. Looking back, the problems were concentrated in a few words: I wrote “high-school graduates” as leaved students (the correct term is school leavers) and repeated it; I spelled mental well-being as well-bring twice; challenges tasks should be challenging tasks; the sentence Additional negative consequence is regarding… is structurally incomplete; and I used Conversely where there was no contrast. This essay taught me: structure can protect your TR and CC, but if a core word is wrong and keeps being repeated, LR drops a whole band. If you are not sure of a word, use a simpler way of saying it.
The conclusion of this essay is still worth learning from. It first says I believe that both sides have merits, then gives a position with On balance, it is my opinion that having a gap year is a good choice for younger generation, and finally answers both problems from the disadvantage paragraph (unfair working conditions and the cost of travel) with the implementation of regulations and loans from banks can tackle the downsides. An advantages/disadvantages-plus-opinion essay does not need strict weighing, but if you can say how the drawbacks could be handled, as here, your position becomes more convincing.
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IELTS Notes in English · Task 2 Structure (post 6 of 9)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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