In this post: The last problems in the bricks essay, my Band 7 ethanol biofuel essay, and six checkpoints that separate TA 5 from TA 7–8.
Process Diagram Samples · 3 parts
- 1. Two TA 5 essays
- 2. TA 7–8 essay and the gap (you are here)
- 3. Rewrite, framework, checklist
✦ In this post
3. Band 6.5 (TA 5): bricks (continued)
Two more TA problems
- The grid and roller step is described inaccurately: “Successfully going through grids and being placed on specific rollers, the raw materials are made.” In the diagram, this step is the dug clay being screened and carried along on rollers, not “making raw materials”. Also, the subject of the participle clause becomes the raw materials, which makes no logical sense (raw materials cannot “successfully go through grids” by themselves).
- The overview misses the diagram’s special features: what most deserves a place in the overview here is that the bricks are heated twice, at increasing temperatures, and then cooled, and that there are two ways to shape them. The original overview is the same template again: all three sentences would work for any manufacturing diagram.
Small language problems
| Original | Problem | Could be |
|---|---|---|
| kin (twice) | Misspelt | kiln |
| As for the remaining stages. | Incomplete sentence; it should continue after a comma | As for the remaining stages, … |
| the delivering of final products | My own notes already said: for a final delivery step, use the delivery of | the delivery of the finished bricks |
| used for related industries | The task says the building industry; related is too vague | used in the construction industry |
| a kin with moderate temperature that around 200C-980C | Missing verb | a kiln at a moderate temperature of 200–980°C |
4. Band 7 (TA 7–8): ethanol biofuel
What the task asks
This task shows how ethanol (a biofuel) is produced, and it is a cycle: sunlight and carbon dioxide provide the energy for plants and trees to grow → harvesting → pre-processing → cellulose → further processing → sugars → microbes are added → ethanol is produced → the ethanol is used in cars, trucks and planes → carbon dioxide is released, and that carbon dioxide goes back to the start, where plants grow.
This is the version I submitted for marking, unedited (spelling and grammar mistakes kept).
The given picture illustrates the procedure by which the plants and tree are processed the transformed into ethanol, which has a wide range of usages. Overall, a whole process consists of ten steps, beginning with the collection of energy and plants, moving through the production of ethanol, and culminating in the releasing of carbon dioxide, in which the new process begins.
In the first five stages, the plants and trees grow with the help from sunlight and carbon dioxide. Next, is the harvesting stage, after being harvested, the harvested plants and trees are put into a specific machine for pre-processing stage. In the fifth step, cellulose is made and is put into a laboratory for another processing step.
As for the remaining stages, firstly, sugars are made after the processing stage. Following this, microbes are added into the product, and eventually ethanol is made successfully. The final product are used for a wide range of purpose, including automobiles, trunks, and airplanes. Three mode of transportation all lead to the release of carbon dioxide in the air, finishing the period as well as starting new process simultaneously.
What this essay did right
| Criterion | Score | What went right |
|---|---|---|
| Task Achievement | 7–8 | The overview says “ten steps”, and you really can count ten in the body (growth, harvesting, pre-processing, cellulose, processing → sugars, microbes, ethanol, use in vehicles, release of carbon dioxide). Most importantly, the overview points out the key feature, the cycle: in which the new process begins. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 7 | In the first five stages and As for the remaining stages split the ten steps in half, and the paragraph labels match the content. Within the paragraphs there are sequencers such as Next, Following this and eventually. |
| Lexical Resource | 7 | The diagram’s words (harvesting, pre-processing, cellulose, microbes) are all used correctly, with some extra explanation such as a wide range of usages. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 8 | The passive, the participle phrase after being harvested, a which relative clause and the preposition + relative pronoun in which all appear, so there is plenty of variety. |
Compared with the other two, the biggest difference in this essay is not better English. It is that the overview’s number matches the body, and the start and end points are taken from this diagram. It uses the same “beginning with … moving through … culminating in …” template, but here the blanks are filled with energy and plants and the releasing of carbon dioxide, plus the cycle starting again. That turns the template from empty words into an overview that carries information.
What it still needed for 8
- The grammar errors are still obvious: are processed the transformed (it should be and transformed), Next, is the harvesting stage, after being harvested, the harvested plants… (three forms of harvest in one sentence, and a run-on), The final product are, Three mode of transportation. My reading of the GRA 8 is that the range of structures was wide and most errors don’t block understanding, but in the real exam these errors could well cost marks.
- A spelling error that changes the meaning: trunks (tree trunks) should be trucks.
- A line-graph collocation used on a process diagram: finishing the period is for describing data over time; a process diagram needs completing the cycle.
- It could be more precise: “put into a laboratory”: the diagram shows a processing facility, so a processing plant would be more accurate; the overview could also use cyclical process to name the cycle directly.
5. What separates TA 5 from TA 7–8?
| Checkpoint | Noodles (TA 5) | Bricks (TA 5) | Ethanol (TA 7–8) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Overview gives the total number of stages | Yes (8) | Yes (7) | Yes (10) |
| Stage count matches the body | No: paragraph labels skip numbers | No: the body has 8–9 stages | Yes |
| Start and end points come from the diagram | No: collecting raw materials / packaging (template words) | Partly: collecting clay / delivery | Yes: energy and plants / release of carbon dioxide |
| Main feature of the process stated | No | Missed the two firings and the either/or choice | Yes: the cycle |
| Missing steps | Sealing missing | None | None |
| Wrong order | Rollers and dough sheets reversed | None | None |
To sum it up in one sentence: TA on a process diagram is not about how nicely you write; it is about whether the examiner could redraw the diagram from your essay alone. After reading the noodles essay, the examiner wouldn’t know what stage three was or whether the cups were sealed; after the bricks essay, they would be confused about whether there were seven steps or nine. The ethanol essay has quite a few grammar errors, but after reading it you could draw the whole cycle.
Same template, so why 7 one time and 5 another?
While writing this post I also looked back at my fourth process essay: the plastic bottle recycling task I wrote at the end of May (Essay 9), which got TA 7. It used exactly the same overview template, with the start point the collection of used bottles and the end point the production of several items. The difference is that in the recycling task, the first step really is collecting used bottles, and the last step really is making various products, so the template fitted that diagram perfectly.
The problem was that I later carried this template, which grew out of the recycling task, unchanged into the noodles and bricks essays. I wrote collection for the start and packaging or delivering for the end both times, without checking what the first and last steps of those diagrams actually were. Once you have used a template for a while, it builds momentum, and your hand moves before your eyes. So I want to stress this: a template can give you the skeleton of a sentence, but not its content. Each time, before you write the overview, put your finger on the first and last arrows of the diagram, and only then decide what goes in the blanks.
Continue reading · Part 3 of 3
IELTS Notes in English · Band Score Samples (post 6 of 19)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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