In this post: The short answer on what separates a 6.5 from a 7 on a pie chart, then my band 6.5 water use essay and why it scored 6.5.
Pie Chart Samples · 3 parts
- 1. The short answer and band 6.5 essay (you are here)
- 2. Band 7 essay and comparison
- 3. Rewrite, patterns and checklist
✦ In this post
Pie charts are often called the “easiest” Task 1 type: the numbers are printed on the chart, there is no scale to estimate and there are no complicated trends. The first pie chart essay I sent for marking took me 20 minutes and 208 words, and it scored 6.5 overall, with only 6 for both Task Achievement (TA) and Coherence & Cohesion (CC). Nine days later I wrote my second pie chart essay, again in 20 minutes and 30 words shorter, and it scored 7 overall with CC 8.
The two essays answer different questions. One is about the proportion of water used for different purposes in six regions (six pie charts, no time element); the other is about the languages spoken by students at one university in two different years (two pie charts, with change over time). But precisely because the questions are different, comparing them shows the principles they share: the hard part of a pie chart is not reading the numbers; it is turning a pile of percentages into a story with a clear point.
Both essays below (the band 7 essay is in Part 2) are the original versions I submitted for marking in May 2024, unchanged, with typos and grammar mistakes kept. “Essay N” is the number of the essay in the order I submitted it for marking. The explanations of the scores are my own analysis against the public IELTS band descriptors.
1. The short answer: what separates a 6.5 from a 7 on a pie chart
| What I compared | Band 6.5 essay (TA 6, CC 6) | Band 7 essay (TA 7, CC 8) |
|---|---|---|
| First sentence of the overview | Agriculture used the most water in most regions, except North America and Europe (correct) | Spanish was the largest category in both years (correct) |
| Second sentence of the overview | “Domestic and industrial use were the smallest in three areas respectively”: the reader cannot tell which three | “The distribution of French, another language … had been relocated”: no direction given, but not wrong |
| Accuracy of data | Wrong smallest category for Central Asia; 19% vs 9% described as “nearly double” | Every number correct |
| Coverage | Only two categories per region; industrial use not mentioned at all for four regions | All six categories covered for both years |
| Linkers | However, Moreover, Nevertheless used where there is no contrast or addition | still, In contrast, the remaining three used naturally |
In short, the band 7 essay’s advantage is not that it is “better written”. It is complete and accurate: every number is right, every category is covered, and categories with the same value are described together. The band 6.5 essay also seems to contain a lot of information, but it has one wrong judgement, leaves out half the categories, and has an overview second sentence that is hard to understand. Those three things kept TA at 6.
2. The band 6.5 essay: water use in six regions
What the task shows
This task is from Cambridge IELTS 11, Test 1 (Essay 2). I wrote it on 21 May 2024; my note says it took 20 minutes (11:26–11:46) and 208 words. There are six pie charts, for North America, South America, Europe, Africa, Central Asia and South East Asia, each showing the proportion of water used for industry, agriculture and domestic purposes.
| Region | Industry | Agriculture | Domestic | Features |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| North America | 48% | 39% | 13% | Industry largest |
| Europe | 53% | 32% | 15% | Industry largest |
| South America | 10% | 71% | 19% | Agriculture largest; highest domestic share of the six regions |
| Africa | 7% | 84% | 9% | Agriculture largest |
| Central Asia | 5% | 88% | 7% | Highest agricultural share of the six regions; industry smallest |
| South East Asia | 12% | 81% | 7% | Agriculture largest; domestic smallest |
The main point of this chart is actually very clear: North America and Europe are “industrial” regions, and the other four are “agricultural” regions, where agriculture takes more than 70% of the water. Domestic use is no more than a fifth in any region.
Score card
My original essay
This is the version I submitted for marking, unedited (typos and grammar mistakes kept).
The given pie charts compare how the water be used in six areas around the world.
Overall, agricultural use is the main sources of water usage in most of areas except North America and Europe. However, domestic use and industrial use are the less frequent factors of water usage in three areas respectively.
As regards North America, the water for industrial usage is the main contributor, making up nearly half of the total, closely followed by that for agricultural use, which accounts for 39%. Besides that, the similar distribution can be seen on Europe, where industrial use(53%) and agricultural use(32%) are the highest and second highest proportion of using water.
Regarding the area of South America and Africa, the percentage of agricultural use is the biggest in both area, which makes up 71% and 84% respectively. Moreover, nearly doubled of the ratio of water usage for domestic use in Africa(9%), that in South America(19%) holds roughly one-fifth of total usage.
As for Central Asia and South East Asia, more than four-fifths of water usage are for agricultural use, constituting 88% and 81% respectively. Nevertheless, the domestic use of both countries, which accounts for the smallest percentages, contributes equally, each representing 7% of the total.
Why this essay got a 6.5
Task Achievement 6: a vague second overview sentence, errors of detail and incomplete coverage. First, what it got right: the first sentence of the overview, agricultural use is the main sources of water usage in most of areas except North America and Europe, captures the most important dividing line on the whole chart. That is why the essay got TA 6 rather than 5. The grouping is also sensible: North America with Europe, South America with Africa, and Central Asia with South East Asia.
The problems are in three places:
- The second overview sentence is hard to understand. domestic use and industrial use are the less frequent factors of water usage in three areas respectively: what I had in mind was “domestic use is smallest in North America, Europe and South East Asia; industrial use is smallest in South America, Africa and Central Asia”, three regions each, so I used respectively. But the reader cannot tell which “three areas” I mean, and respectively has no list to refer back to. An overview that makes the reader go and find the answer on the chart has not done its job.
- The wrong smallest category for Central Asia. The last paragraph says the domestic use of both countries, which accounts for the smallest percentages, contributes equally, each representing 7%. Domestic use at 7% really is the smallest in South East Asia, but in Central Asia industry is only 5%, smaller than domestic use at 7%. This is a factual error that anyone can check on the chart.
- Only half of each region is described. North America and Europe have no domestic figures (13% and 15%); South America, Africa, Central Asia and South East Asia have no industrial figures (10%, 7%, 5% and 12%). Six regions give eighteen numbers, and I wrote about twelve. The ones I left out all belong to the same category, so a reader might think industrial water use does not exist in the agricultural regions.
There is also a small error: nearly doubled of the ratio … in Africa(9%), that in South America(19%). 19 is a little more than twice 9, so it should be more than double; nearly points the wrong way. Against the band descriptors, TA 6 means “an overview is presented, with information appropriately selected, and key features highlighted, but details may be irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate”, and this essay fits that exactly.
Coherence & Cohesion 6: sensible grouping, but mechanical linking. The paragraphing itself is fine. The marks were lost on the linking within and between paragraphs:
| Original | Problem | How to fix it |
|---|---|---|
| However, domestic use and industrial use … | The previous sentence gives the largest use and this one gives the smallest; that is not a contrast in the sense of however | Just state it, or use By contrast to set “largest” against “smallest” |
| Besides that, the similar distribution can be seen on Europe | Besides that means “in addition”; here the meaning is “similarly” | A similar pattern can be seen in Europe |
| Moreover, nearly doubled of the ratio … | Moreover introduces a comparison, not an additional point, and the sentence structure itself is broken | Domestic use in South America (19%) was more than double that in Africa (9%). |
| Nevertheless, the domestic use of both countries … | There is no concession between the two sentences | Delete Nevertheless |
| both countries, both area | Unclear reference and wrong word: Central Asia and South East Asia are regions, not countries | both regions |
The public descriptor for CC 6 has a very apt phrase: cohesive devices are used, but cohesion within or between sentences may be “faulty or mechanical”, and referencing may not always be clear. This essay shows it. At the time I put a linker at almost every paragraph and every transition, but with so many linkers that did not match the relationships, the logic became more confusing, not less.
Lexical Resource 7: all the words a pie chart needs are there: main contributor, closely followed by, making up, accounts for, constituting, four-fifths. The marks were lost for unnatural collocations: in the less frequent factors of water usage, a use is neither a “factor” nor “frequent”; it should be the smallest share. the main sources also has a singular/plural error.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy 7: the opening how the water be used is missing is; most of areas should be most areas; both area needs a plural. There are quite a few errors, but none blocks understanding, and with relative and participle clauses the score stays at 7.
Continue reading · Part 2 of 3
IELTS Notes in English · Band Score Samples (post 3 of 19)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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