In this post: Clean rewrites of both body paragraphs and the conclusion, sentence frames, a singular/plural checklist, safe advertising vocabulary, a self-check list and exercises.
Advertising Band 6.5 Sample · 3 parts
- 1. Question, essay, TR and CC
- 2. Where the language slipped
- 3. Rewrites and singular/plural checks (you are here)
✦ In this post
5. Rewrite examples: Body 1, Body 2 and the conclusion
Below are my rewrite examples. They keep the original arguments (repeated exposure makes an impression, targeted Facebook ads, adverts save consumers time) and fix the singular/plural, pronoun, spelling and absolute-language problems.
Rewrite example | Body 1 (view A)
On the one hand, there are good reasons to believe that advertising is highly persuasive. The main reason is that it helps brands stand out in a crowded market. If a person keeps seeing the same product, it becomes familiar, and they are more likely to choose it over unknown alternatives. Social media platforms such as Facebook make this effect even stronger, as they analyse users’ previous purchases and show them discounts on items they are likely to want. Another reason is that advertisements save consumers time. Since most people are too busy to research every product themselves, adverts give them a quick summary of what is available and what each item can do.
| What changed | Original | Rewrite |
|---|---|---|
| Add the noun being referred to | The main one is that it helps… | The main reason is that it helps… (“it” = advertising, uncountable, so singular) |
| Subject-verb agreement | a person keep seeing | a person keeps seeing |
| Remove the absolute claim | it is undoubtedly that they will purchase it | they are more likely to choose it |
| Fix the sentence pattern | people is so busy to search the functions | most people are too busy to research every product |
| Write from the consumer’s side | advertisements are brillant paths for sellers | adverts give them a quick summary… |
One small technique: if you are not confident about singular and plural, use uncountable “advertising” as your subject throughout. Because “advertising” is uncountable, the verb is singular and the pronoun is “it”, all consistent, so there is much less room for error. My original mixed “advertising”, “advertisements” and “advertisement”, which made singular/plural mistakes very likely.
Rewrite example | Body 2 (view B)
On the other hand, critics argue that adverts have become so common that people simply tune them out. Many viewers, myself included, skip video adverts on YouTube as soon as the button appears, so the message never reaches them. In addition, the rise of misleading adverts has made consumers more sceptical. When people cannot tell which claims are true, they tend to ignore advertising altogether, which reduces its impact on sales.
What changed in Body 2: the first sentence uses “critics argue that” instead of “some people advocate that” (“advocate” does not suit a negative judgement); the personal example becomes “Many viewers, myself included”, which places “me” inside a larger group so the example is more than a personal habit; and the last sentence replaces the unclear “grant benefits or enhance the incomes” with “reduces its impact on sales”, which has a clear object. The pronouns are consistent throughout the paragraph too: “them” for adverts and “its” for advertising.
Rewrite example | Conclusion
In conclusion, although many people skip or distrust adverts, I believe advertising remains effective. Repeated and well-targeted messages still shape what we choose to buy, often without our noticing, which is why companies continue to invest so heavily in it.
What changed: “although many people skip or distrust adverts” responds to view B (including my own YouTube example); the reason is now the one already argued in Body 1 (repeated, targeted messages influence purchases), with no new reason; and the final clause, “companies continue to invest so heavily in it”, is a piece of common-sense support, not a new argument.
6. Sentence frames and a singular/plural checklist you can take away
| Paragraph | Sentence frame |
|---|---|
| Introduction | It is often argued that advertising is highly persuasive, while others believe it is so common that people now ignore it. This essay will discuss both views before explaining why I believe advertising still works. |
| Body 1 | On the one hand, there are good reasons to believe that… The main reason is that… Another reason is that… |
| Body 2 | On the other hand, critics argue that… For example, I usually… In addition,… |
| Conclusion | In conclusion, although…, I believe… because… |
Singular/plural checklist: the tricky nouns in this essay
| Noun | Countable? | Verb | Pronoun |
|---|---|---|---|
| advertising (the activity in general) | Uncountable | is / helps | it |
| an advertisement / advertisements | Countable | is / are | it / they |
| people | Plural | are | they |
| a person | Singular | keeps / is | he or she / they |
| goods | Plural | are | them |
| information | Uncountable | is | it (say “this information”, not “those information”) |
Advertising vocabulary: words you can use with confidence
My original had quite a few vocabulary problems, so here are some words for this topic that are safe to use. The middle column is what I wrote; the right column is a more natural replacement:
| What you want to say | Original | More natural |
|---|---|---|
| Advertising in general | advertisements / the option of advertising | advertising (uncountable) / adverts / ads |
| Making an impression | because of deep impression | make a lasting impression / build brand awareness |
| Targeted advertising | predicts customers’ preference by previous purchasing behaviors | targeted advertising based on users’ browsing and purchase history |
| Product features | functions or characters of goods | features of products |
| Ignoring adverts | overlook those mandatory advertisements | skip unskippable ads / tune out adverts |
| Fake adverts | fake advertising | misleading / false advertising |
| Increasing sales | grant benefits or enhance the incomes | boost sales / increase revenue |
You do not need to memorise them all; pick two or three you think you would actually use. The key is: make sure you can spell a word and know whether it is singular or plural before you put it in an essay.
7. Self-check list and a short exercise
Self-check list
- ☐ Do all my subjects and verbs agree in number? (Watch people and advertisements in particular.)
- ☐ Can every it / they / them be traced to a noun, and does the number match?
- ☐ Before “The main one” / “Another one”, is there a noun that “one” can refer to?
- ☐ Have I used absolute words like undoubtedly, always, never, everyone? Can I change them to likely, often, many?
- ☐ Have I put those, many or a in front of an uncountable noun (information, advice, advertising)?
- ☐ Are proper nouns (Facebook, YouTube) capitalised correctly?
- ☐ Is the reason in my conclusion one I already argued in the body?
- ☐ If I gave a personal example for the opposing view, does my conclusion respond to it?
Short exercise: each sentence below has a singular/plural or reference error. Try to correct them.
1. Advertisements is everywhere, and it influence our choices.
Advertisements are everywhere, and they influence our choices.
2. Many people is too busy to compare products, so they rely on those information in adverts.
Many people are too busy to compare products, so they rely on the information in adverts.
3. Online shopping has several benefits. The main one is that it save time.
Online shopping has several benefits. The main one is that it saves time. (Here “one” refers to “benefits”, which is correct; the error is “save”.)
4. If a customer see an advert repeatedly, they will undoubtedly buy the product.
If a customer sees an advert repeatedly, they are more likely to buy the product. (Subject-verb agreement + removing the absolute claim.)
Extension exercise: rewrite the last sentence of my Body 2, “With increasingly cases of fake advertising, people now always ignore those advertisements; therefore, advertisements are not able to grant benefits or enhance the incomes.”, as one sentence with no singular/plural errors, no absolute language and a clear object.
A possible rewrite
As cases of misleading advertising increase, many consumers have become sceptical of adverts, which may reduce their effect on sales. (Example.) Four things changed: “increasingly” became the verb “increase”; “always ignore” became “have become sceptical”; “advertisements are not able to” became “may reduce”; and “grant benefits or enhance the incomes” became “their effect on sales”, so the object is clearly sales.
More from the same band
This essay is a “structure 7, language 6” kind of 6.5. These are the posts I think are worth reading at this band:
- How to check your IELTS sub-scores and read the four criteria (in Chinese): with TR and CC at 7 and LR and GRA at 6, understanding the profile tells you what to practise.
- My successful IDP re-mark: writing from 6.5 to 7.0 (in Chinese): how I was stuck at 6.5 in writing for a long time and finally got 7.0 through a one-skill retake and a re-mark.
- Recommended online IELTS resources (in Chinese): the online resources I have collected for IELTS.
- IELTS preparation notes: overview (in Chinese)
This is the last part of “Advertising Band 6.5 Sample”. To start again, go back to Part 1.
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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