In this post: Rewrites of the environment and disadvantages paragraphs, an Outweigh structure with weighing frames, and a self-check list with practice.
Band 6.5 Sample: Driverless Vehicles · 3 parts
- 1. Question type and original essay
- 2. Criteria and the missing weighing
- 3. Rewrites, frames and self-check (you are here)
✦ In this post
5. Rewrite: the environment paragraph and the disadvantages paragraph
Below are my two model rewrites (the original essay is in Part 1). The environment paragraph fixes the chain of cause and effect, and the disadvantages paragraph shows how to “admit, limit and compare”, so that the Outweigh judgement appears in the body rather than resting on a single sentence in the conclusion.
Model rewrite | Environment paragraph (advantage 2)
Another key benefit is that driverless vehicles could make road transport cleaner. Because computers accelerate and brake more smoothly than human drivers, they waste less energy. Moreover, if self-driving cars are shared and called on demand, far fewer vehicles would be needed in cities, which would reduce both congestion and emissions. Since many of these vehicles are also being designed to run on electricity, the change could speed up the move away from petrol and diesel.
What changed: it starts with environmental reasons that come from self-driving itself (smoother driving, sharing means fewer vehicles) and demotes “electric” to a supporting point, using the cautious phrasing “many of these vehicles are also being designed” instead of claiming that “most driverless cars are electric”. That way the chain of cause and effect is complete.
Model rewrite | Disadvantages paragraph (with weighing)
Admittedly, driverless transport would come at a cost to professional drivers. Taxi, bus and lorry drivers could see their jobs disappear, and older workers in particular may struggle to find new careers. However, this problem is temporary and manageable. Governments could use part of the money that transport companies save to fund retraining schemes, helping former drivers move into roles such as vehicle maintenance or fleet monitoring. Since the savings are permanent while the disruption is short-term, the overall balance remains positive.
| Function of the sentence | Sentence in the rewrite | What it does |
|---|---|---|
| Admit | Admittedly, driverless transport would come at a cost to professional drivers. | Raises the disadvantage fairly, showing you have considered the other side. |
| Make it concrete | Taxi, bus and lorry drivers could see their jobs disappear… | Names specific jobs instead of an “In other words” restatement. |
| Limit | However, this problem is temporary and manageable. | Reduces the weight of the disadvantage. |
| Solution | Governments could use part of the money… to fund retraining schemes | Connects “companies save money” with “drivers lose jobs” and deals with the relationship between them. |
| Compare | Since the savings are permanent while the disruption is short-term… | States the reason for the judgement directly: long-term vs short-term. |
You will notice that this paragraph solves major problems 1 and 2 (see Part 2) at the same time: the money saved is used for retraining, which links the advantage and the disadvantage, and the last sentence makes the long-term versus short-term comparison directly, so the Outweigh judgement appears. In a five-paragraph structure, you can choose to leave out the safety concern from my original; if you do include it, you must handle it in the same way (for example, by explaining that technology and regulation will reduce the risk).
Model rewrite | Conclusion
In conclusion, although job losses are a genuine concern, the lower costs and cleaner transport offered by driverless vehicles are long-term gains that society would enjoy for decades. Provided that the authorities support displaced drivers, I am convinced that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
The conclusion is also different from the original: the original only repeated the two advantages, while the rewrite uses “although” to admit the disadvantage first, echoes the weighing in the disadvantages paragraph with “long-term gains”, and finally uses “Provided that” to add a condition and a recommendation.
6. An Outweigh structure and sentence frames you can take away
| Paragraph | Content | Sentence skeleton |
|---|---|---|
| Introduction | Paraphrase the scenario in the prompt + a clear position | With advances in …, it is likely that … in the future. Although this trend has some drawbacks, I believe its benefits clearly outweigh them. |
| Body 1 | The most important advantage | The main benefit of … is that … For example, … |
| Body 2 | The second advantage | Another key advantage is that … As a result, … |
| Body 3 | One disadvantage + weighing | Admittedly, … However, this problem is … because … Therefore, the overall balance remains positive. |
| Conclusion | Restate the judgement + the reason for it + a recommendation | In conclusion, although …, the benefits of … outweigh the drawbacks. Provided that …, … |
| Weighing frame | Meaning | Example |
|---|---|---|
| …is temporary, whereas … is long-lasting. | Short-term vs long-term | Job losses are temporary, whereas lower transport costs are long-lasting. |
| …can be addressed by … | The disadvantage can be solved | Safety concerns can be addressed by stricter testing and regulation. |
| …affects only a small group, while … benefits everyone. | Scope of the impact | The change affects a small group of workers, while cheaper transport benefits everyone. |
| On balance, … carries more weight than … | Direct comparison | On balance, reduced emissions carry more weight than the inconvenience of change. |
7. Self-check list and quick practice
Self-check list
- ☐ Does my introduction paraphrase the scenario in the prompt, not just the question?
- ☐ Does my position sentence use “outweigh” (importance), not “overtake” or “outnumber”?
- ☐ Does the structure reflect my position? (Suggestion: two paragraphs of advantages, one of disadvantages.)
- ☐ Does the disadvantages paragraph go “admit → limit → compare”, rather than stopping once the disadvantages are listed?
- ☐ Have I raised a disadvantage that is heavier than my advantages and then left it alone? (For example, safety.)
- ☐ Are my arguments specific to this topic? (Driverless ≠ electric.)
- ☐ Does my conclusion respond to the disadvantages, rather than just repeating the advantages?
- ☐ After every “In other words” or “To put it another way”, am I really restating something?
Quick practice: below is a draft disadvantages paragraph for an Outweigh question (do the advantages of online shopping outweigh the disadvantages?). Work out what it is missing and try adding a sentence.
Practice draft
However, online shopping also has a drawback. Many local shops have closed because people no longer visit them, and some shop assistants have lost their jobs.
What is this paragraph missing, and how could you add it?
The paragraph only “admits”; it does not “limit” or “compare”. You could add: However, many of these businesses have moved online and now reach more customers than before. Since the convenience of online shopping benefits almost everyone, while the decline of physical shops affects a smaller group, the advantages still carry more weight.If you want to use safety concerns as a disadvantage of driverless cars, how could you weigh them?
You can tackle it from two angles, “the risk will fall” and “human drivers are risky too”, for example: Although early driverless cars may cause accidents, most crashes today are caused by human error such as tiredness or distraction. As the technology improves and is strictly tested, driverless vehicles are likely to make roads safer, not more dangerous.More from the same score range
This essay is a typical Band 6.5 held back by TR and CC. These are the posts that helped me most when I was stuck at this level:
- Review of my tutor Ali: simplifying my essay structure, from 400 back to 300 words (in Chinese): at 297 words this essay was already fairly short, and Ali’s idea of a simplified structure taught me that writing a little less, with every paragraph doing a job, matters more than filling the page
- Farid, a former examiner: live feedback on speaking and writing (in Chinese): my experience of live writing feedback, useful if you want to know whether your arguments actually answer the question
- How to check your IELTS sub-scores and understand the four criteria (in Chinese): TR and CC at 6 with LR and GRA at 7 is a very common combination, so understand your own pattern before deciding what to practise
- My successful IDP re-mark: how Writing went from 6.5 to 7.0 (in Chinese): how I went from being stuck at Writing 6.5 to finally getting 7.0
This is the last part of “Band 6.5 Sample: Driverless Vehicles”. To start again, go back to Part 1.
IELTS Notes in English · Band Score Samples (post 9 of 19)
← Previous: IELTS Task 2 Band 6 Sample: Accept or Improve a Bad Situation? The Both-Views Position Trap
Next →: IELTS Task 2 Band 6.5 Sample: Are Entertainers Paid Too Much? Off-Topic Points
Task 1 Structure · Task 2 Structure · Topic Guides · Writing Language · Band Score Samples · Practice Methods · Speaking & Study Tips
✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
← Back to IELTS notes in English
Leave a Reply