In this post: Why this question is Both Views rather than Outweigh, my original Band 6 essay with its score card, and why Task Response stopped at 6.
Band 6 Sample: Accept or Improve · 3 parts
- 1. Question type and original essay (you are here)
- 2. Criteria and three position traps
- 3. Rewrites, frames and self-check
✦ In this post
This was the first Task 2 essay I submitted for marking, on 20 May 2024 (Essay 1), and the starting point of my intensive practice period. The question comes from Cambridge IELTS 14, Test 1, and I counted 378 words in my original. The four sub-scores were 6, 6, 6 and 7, for an overall 6: the lowest of all the Task 2 essays among my 50 marked pieces.
I have put it in the Band Score Samples series because its problems are so typical: the grammar is actually not bad (GRA got a 7), but the position and the job of each paragraph are a mess. Many people, like me at the time, assume they are stuck at 6 because their vocabulary is not advanced enough. Very often, though, something has gone wrong much earlier: the question type is misread, the wrong opening template is used, or the first sentence of a paragraph says something different from the rest of it. This essay is a living example.
1. The question and its type: Both Views, not Advantages/Disadvantages
In short, the question says: some people think the best way to deal with a bad situation (such as an unsatisfactory job or a shortage of money) is to accept it; others think people should try to improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The key is the final instruction, Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. This is a standard Both Views question: it gives you two groups of people and two approaches, A (“accept”) and B (“improve”). Your job is to explain fairly why group A thinks the way it does and why group B thinks the way it does, and then say which side you are on (or how you see it).
| Question type | What the question looks like | What you need to answer | What the position sentence looks like |
|---|---|---|---|
| Both Views | Some people believe A. Others argue B. Discuss both views and give your opinion. | What are the reasons for view A and view B? Which one do you agree with more? | This essay will discuss both views, and I believe B is more reasonable. |
| Outweigh | Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? | For the same thing, which weighs more: the benefits or the drawbacks? | I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. |
| Advantages/Disadvantages + opinion | Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion. | What are the benefits and drawbacks of one thing? Overall, do you think it is good or bad? | This essay will examine both the merits and drawbacks, and I think it is positive overall. |
| Agree/Disagree | To what extent do you agree or disagree? | Do you agree with the statement, and to what extent? | I completely agree / partly agree that … |
The right-hand column is what I want to stress: each question type has a different “skeleton” for the position sentence in the introduction. Both Views compares two opinions; Outweigh compares the benefits and drawbacks of the same thing. They look similar, but they send your thinking in completely different directions. The biggest problem in this essay is that I used the Outweigh skeleton for a Both Views question.
2. Score card and the original essay
The average of the four scores is 6.25, which rounds to 6 under the IELTS rounding rules. GRA is already a 7, which shows that I could produce most of the sentences themselves; what pulled the overall score down was TR, CC and LR all staying at 6. Here is the version I submitted for marking, unedited:
As submitted (unedited, all mistakes kept)
In the contemporary society, there are two views regarding encountering adversities. Considerable public debates surround on whether the merits of accepting a bad situation outnumber the demerits. As for my perception, the negatives of accepting poorer situation surpass the positives, and the reasons behind my perspective will be elaborated on in the following paragraphs.
An array of factors may contribute to why accepting a bad situation seems rather disadvantageous. First and foremost, it is readily apparent that the life after choosing the poorer situation will be easier because of lower competitiveness. For example, since fewer workers want to compete for those occupations with fewer salary, people who choose those jobs may not need to face comparisons and competitions with others. Secondly, people who choose those bad situations sometimes have more leisure time, providing feasible schedule to individuals. In other words, those who is poorer or work for unsatisfactory job usually do not have tight working shifts; therefore, the feasible timetable grants them opportunities to conduct others things or develop different habits.
On the other hand, as far as I am concerned, if a person chooses to improve such situations, they may have better quality of life or various choices on workplace. Primarily, after successfully improving the situations, there is no denying that those individuals can have better jobs with higher compensation, which makes their life better and easier. To put in other words, owing to the fact that the quality of life sometimes results from better financial condition, people can have a happier life if they decide to improve and make the condition better. Furthermore, improving those poor situations can further increase one’s professionals, which offers a wide range of advanced opportunities in the workplace. International cooperation, which hire workers only with competent capabilities, are a good example of this matter. When workers improve the situations by enhancing their professional knowledge as well as improving their language abilities, it is easier for them to get an offer from international companies and frims.
In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, I firmly believe that it is wise of people to improve the situations rather than accepting them, since improving those situations can provide easier and better opportunities, along with various choices toward finding jobs, which undeniably make our life better.
3. Why this essay got a 6: criterion by criterion
What follows is my own analysis, looking back and comparing the essay with the public IELTS band descriptors. The scores were given by my marker, but the reasons for losing marks are my own judgement, so you can treat this as practice in reading the marking criteria.
| Criterion | Score | Key points of the descriptor (paraphrased) | Evidence in this essay |
|---|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | Band 6: addresses all parts of the task, though some more fully than others; presents a relevant position, although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive; some main ideas are inadequately developed. | The introduction is framed as merits vs demerits and never states the two views; the position sentence says the drawbacks of accepting outweigh the benefits, yet no paragraph discusses any drawback of accepting. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | Band 6: arranges information coherently overall, but paragraphing may not always be logical; cohesive devices are sometimes mechanical or faulty. | The first body paragraph’s topic sentence says “disadvantageous”, but the content describes benefits; “On the other hand” follows a paragraph of benefits labelled as drawbacks, so the reader cannot tell what is being contrasted. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | Band 6: an adequate range of vocabulary for the task; attempts less common words but with some inaccuracy; some errors in spelling or word formation that do not impede communication. | fewer salary, one’s professionals, International cooperation (should be “corporations”), frims, feasible schedule, surround on. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 7 | Band 7: uses a variety of complex structures; produces frequent error-free sentences; has good control of grammar, with a few errors. | Relative clauses, “owing to the fact that” and participle clauses are all handled; errors include “those who is poorer” and “conduct others things”. |
Task Response 6: the question is answered, but the position and content do not match
TR is about whether you answer the question that was asked. On the surface, this essay has two body paragraphs, one on accepting and one on improving, and the conclusion says we should improve, so it looks as if everything is covered. Read it carefully, though, and there is a big gap between the position sentence and the content.
The position sentence is “the negatives of accepting poorer situation surpass the positives”, meaning “the disadvantages of accepting a bad situation are greater than the advantages”. From that, a reader expects to see the benefits of accepting, the drawbacks of accepting, and why the drawbacks weigh more. What the essay actually contains is: paragraph one on the benefits of accepting (life is easier, more free time) and paragraph two on the benefits of improving (better income, more career opportunities). Not one sentence discusses the drawbacks of accepting a bad situation. In other words, I promised the reader something and never delivered it.
That is exactly what the Band 6 descriptor describes: the position is relevant, but it is not clearly and consistently supported. After reading, the examiner can tell that I probably support “improving”, but that position is held up by the conclusion (“I firmly believe that it is wise of people to improve”), not built step by step by the paragraphs before it.
Continue reading · Part 2 of 3
IELTS Notes in English · Band Score Samples (post 8 of 19)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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