In this post: The gap year question and its type, my unedited Band 6.5 essay with its score card, and why Task Response reached 7 and Coherence and Cohesion 6–7.
Gap Year Band 6.5 Sample · 3 parts
- 1. Question, essay, TR and CC (you are here)
- 2. Why LR and GRA stayed 6
- 3. Rewrites and proofreading routine
✦ In this post
This is Trial essay 1, a Task 2 essay I submitted for marking on 15 June 2024. The question was a homework prompt on the advantages and disadvantages of a gap year. The essay body is 316 words, and according to my notes I wrote it in about 27 minutes. The scores were TR 7, CC 6–7, LR 6 and GRA 6, for an overall 6.5.
In most of the earlier sample posts, the problems were in content and structure: the wrong question type, off-topic reasons, no weighing of the two sides. This essay is the opposite: the content and structure are mostly right and TR reaches 7, but both language criteria drop to 6. I included it in the series to show a different kind of 6.5, where the ideas are fine but the English itself has so many errors that the examiner cannot give a 7.
If you often think “my structure is fine, so why am I still on 6.5?”, this essay may be your answer.
1. The question and its type: advantages/disadvantages + opinion
In short, the question says that in some countries, some school leavers spend a year working or travelling between finishing secondary school and starting university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this, and give your own opinion.
This is an advantages and disadvantages + opinion question. It looks like a discuss-both-views question but is not the same: in a both-views question there are two groups of people with two opinions, whereas an advantages/disadvantages question is about the good and bad sides of one thing (the gap year). This difference affects the wording of the introduction and conclusion, as I explain later.
| Comparison | Discuss both views | Advantages/disadvantages + opinion |
|---|---|---|
| What the question is about | Two opinions (group A vs group B) | One thing (a gap year) |
| Body paragraphs | Group A’s reasons / group B’s reasons | The benefits of this thing / its drawbacks |
| The introduction can say | This essay will discuss both views… | This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of… |
| The conclusion can say | Both views have merit, but… | Although … has some drawbacks, I believe the benefits are greater. |
The ideas for this question are not hard to find. My plan at the time was: advantages, “working broadens your horizons and builds practical skills” and “travelling helps you relax and get closer to nature”; disadvantages, “the living costs of travelling” and “without professional skills it is hard to find a good job”. If you want to prepare more ideas, here are some other common angles for this topic:
| Side | Point | How to develop it |
|---|---|---|
| Advantage | A clearer idea of what to study | Experiencing the workplace before choosing a degree lowers the chance of switching courses or dropping out |
| Advantage | Saving for tuition or living costs | A year of work can build savings and reduce financial pressure at university |
| Disadvantage | Losing the study habit | After a year out of the classroom, students may struggle to keep up, or not want to go back at all |
| Disadvantage | Falling out of step with peers | Friends start university first and you graduate a year later, which can be stressful |
You do not need to use all of them. For each paragraph, pick the two you can support with the most concrete examples.
2. Score card and the original essay
CC was given as a range between 6 and 7, so the four criteria average about 6.4, and the overall score was 6.5. Below is the essay exactly as I submitted it, unedited:
Original submission (unedited, all errors kept)
In several nations, a number of students decide to have a gap year to travel or work after graduating from high school. The purpose of this essay is to analyze both sides of this argument and explain the reason why I think that it is advantageous to do so.
Having a gap year to work or travel seems to be beneficial. Firstly, through having a job, youngsters can broaden their horizons and enhance their practical skills. In other words, it is readily apparent that those leaved students can put the theory into practice and learn real-world knowledge through conducting challenges tasks in the workplace. Secondly, traveling in their gap year can enrich those students’ mental well-bring. National parks around the world, which give visitors opportunities to get closer to nature, are good examples of this matter since those natural landscape enables leaved students to escape from their hectic schedule in their daily life.
The option of choosing to engage in gap years sometimes is disadvantageous. The first situation is that it is difficult for those students to find suitable jobs due to a lack of competent professions and academic qualifications. Conversely, they tend to work for jobs that are in dangerous environment and do not get fair salary, undeniably leading to an unfairness. Additional negative consequence is regarding financial burden, especially for those choose to travel instead of keeping studying. Since students do not have full-time jobs, it is difficult for them to afford the expenditure of accommodations, transportation, and the tickets for destinations.
In conclusion, I believe that both sides have merits. On balance, it is my opinion that having a gap year is a good choice for younger generation, as I feel that related experience and mental well-bring are essential for achieving long-term success in leaved students’ careers. Furthermore, the implementation of regulations and loans from banks can tackle the downsides concerning this issue.
3. Why this essay got 6.5: the four criteria one by one
What follows is my own analysis against the public IELTS band descriptors. With TR at 7 and both LR and GRA at 6, I think the score was pulled down almost entirely by language.
| Criterion | Score | What the descriptor stresses (paraphrased) | Evidence in this essay |
|---|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 7 | Band 7: addresses all parts of the task, presents a clear position, extends and supports the main ideas, though there may be some over-generalisation. | Advantages (work experience, relaxing through travel), disadvantages (difficulty finding good jobs, financial burden) and an opinion (in favour) are all there; the example (national parks) is concrete. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6–7 | Between “organised, but cohesion is sometimes mechanical” and “logically organised with clear progression”. | Clear division of paragraphs; but “Conversely” is misused, “In other words” introduces a sentence that is not a restatement, and the conclusion brings in new solutions. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | Band 6: attempts less common vocabulary with some inaccuracy; some errors in spelling or word formation that do not impede communication. | leaved students (an invented phrase, used 3 times), mental well-bring (misspelt twice), challenges tasks, competent professions, leading to an unfairness. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | Band 6: a mix of simple and complex sentences; errors occur but rarely impede communication. | Missing articles (in dangerous environment, get fair salary, for younger generation), missing “who” (those choose to travel), subject-verb disagreement (those natural landscape enables). |
Task Response 7: every part of the question is covered
TR 7 is the strongest point of this essay. The introduction states my position straight away (“I think that it is advantageous to do so”), the two body paragraphs deal with advantages and disadvantages respectively, and the conclusion restates my support and adds a line on how to reduce the drawbacks. The two advantages correspond to “work” and “travel” in the question, and the disadvantages are split the same way into “finding a job” and “the cost of travel”, so the coverage of the question is complete.
The examples are also fairly concrete. “National parks around the world, which give visitors opportunities to get closer to nature” sounds a little like a template, but at least it gives the reader a picture. All of this is why TR could reach 7.
I think there are two reasons it did not reach 8. First, there is a contradiction between the advantages and the disadvantages that I never dealt with: the advantages paragraph says work lets students “enhance their practical skills”, but the disadvantages paragraph says they cannot find suitable jobs and end up in dangerous, poorly paid work. If those are the only jobs available, do the “practical skills” still hold up? Second, “the implementation of regulations and loans from banks” in the conclusion is a completely new idea that was never mentioned before, and I did not explain what regulations, or how loans would help. Having school leavers borrow money to travel might even increase the financial burden I had just described.
Coherence & Cohesion 6–7: clear structure, a few misused linkers
The paragraph structure is clear and every paragraph has a topic sentence, which is why CC touched 7. What pulled it down was mainly a few linking words:
- “Conversely, they tend to work for jobs that are in dangerous environment…”: “Conversely” means “on the contrary”, but this sentence is not the opposite of the previous one; it is a result (because they lack qualifications, they can only get dangerous jobs). It should be “As a result” or “Consequently”.
- “In other words, it is readily apparent that those leaved students can put the theory into practice…”: this sentence expands on the previous one, so it only just counts as a restatement, and adding “it is readily apparent that” makes it very wordy.
- “The purpose of this essay is to analyze both sides of this argument”: this question is not an “argument” between two sides but the pros and cons of one thing, so “both sides of this argument” is not precise. “both sides have merits” in the conclusion has the same problem; it is really the language of a both-views essay.
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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