In this post: my species-loss paragraph (TR 8 but CC 6) and two Task 1 energy essays broken down, a model paragraph on renewable energy, the common mistakes and three practice questions.
Environment and Energy · 3 parts
- 1. Questions, species and energy
- 2. Responsibility, examples and collocations
- 3. My paragraphs and practice (you are here)
✦ In this post
4. Breaking down my own paragraphs
The paragraphs below are the original versions I submitted for marking, unedited. The analysis is my own, based on the public band descriptors.
Breakdown 1 | Species loss (Cambridge 14 Test 2, Both views): TR 8, CC 6
Original: the second body paragraph (the side I supported)
Other environmental problems get more attention due to several reasons. Primarily, global warming is so imperative that should not be ignored, since it definitely poses a threat to people’s lives. A wide range of unpleasant consequences, such as rising sea levels, extreme climate, and the greenhouse effect will happen because of global warming. Even though those issues will not influence individuals directly, they make the environment unsuitable for human beings, further lowering the quality of life. Furthermore, pollution is another hot issue, which threatens a wide range of daily necessities including food, land, water, and air. To be more specific, pollution can be harmful to not only the environment but also individuals, so its importance needs to be highlighted.
What works: my position is clear from the start (other environmental problems are more important), and both reasons (global warming and pollution) are relevant, so Task Response was 8. Grammar was also 8, thanks to enough variety in sentence structures.
Why Coherence was only 6: my analysis comes down to three points. First, the topic sentence says other problems get more attention, but the question asks which is more important, so the topic sentence misses the target. Second, the first reason says warming “poses a threat to people’s lives”, and then the next sentences say it “will not influence individuals directly”, which is a little contradictory. Third, the pollution reason is only a claim plus a paraphrase, with no example and no explanation of why it matters more than species loss. The paragraph reads like a list of “other environmental problems” rather than a comparison.
Rewrite (the first reason)
Others, including myself, argue that climate change is a more pressing problem. This is because it affects every part of the planet and is itself one of the main causes of species loss. As temperatures rise, many animals lose the habitats they depend on; the shrinking sea ice of the Arctic, for example, has left polar bears with fewer places to hunt. In other words, tackling climate change would also help to protect endangered species, whereas the reverse is not necessarily true.
The key to the rewrite is the last sentence: it states directly why warming is more fundamental than species loss (tackling warming also protects species, but not necessarily the other way round). That is the “comparison” the question asks for.
Breakdown 2 | Task 1: the ethanol process diagram and the electricity pie charts
These two are Task 1 essays. They are here for their energy vocabulary, and also to show where the Task 1 marks were lost.
Original: the second body paragraph of the ethanol process diagram
As for the remaining stages, firstly, sugars are made after the processing stage. Following this, microbes are added into the product, and eventually ethanol is made successfully. The final product are used for a wide range of purpose, including automobiles, trunks, and airplanes. Three mode of transportation all lead to the release of carbon dioxide in the air, finishing the period as well as starting new process simultaneously.
What works: the passive voice (are made, are added, are used) is used consistently, and the last sentence points out that “releasing carbon dioxide brings the process back to the start”, capturing the key feature of the diagram: it is a cycle. What could be improved: “trunks” should be trucks (a trunk is the boot of a car, or a large box); “The final product are” has a subject–verb agreement error; and “Three mode” needs an -s.
Original: the Australia paragraph of the electricity pie charts
Regarding Australia, in 1980, the highest proportion of production was coal, accounting for 50%. Following this, the amount of hydro power and natural gas contributed equally, each constituting 20% of the total. By contrast, in 2000, coal increased its dominance, which made up 130 units of the total of 170 units. Besides that, a slightly amount can be seen at oil and natural gas, with the figure for 2 units each.
The main reason for Task Achievement 6: in 2000, hydro power in Australia produced 36 units, making it the second-largest source, yet this paragraph does not mention it at all, and instead describes oil and natural gas at only 2 units each. France’s hydro power in 1980 was also missed. In Task 1, leaving out key data hurts your score more than grammar mistakes do. In addition, “a slightly amount” should be a small amount; and in the France paragraph that follows, “coal and oil, contributing 25 units, respectively” uses “respectively” unnaturally when both figures are the same, so simply use each.
For how to write process diagrams and pie charts, see how to write a process diagram and how to write about static charts.
5. Model paragraph: should renewable energy completely replace fossil fuels?
Below is a model paragraph I wrote for this post. The position is partial agreement: the direction is right, but it cannot happen in one step. Notice how it builds the “side effects” into the argument.
Model (body paragraph, about 140 words)
[Point] Although I support the shift towards renewable energy, I believe fossil fuels should be phased out gradually rather than replaced all at once. [Explanation] Solar and wind power depend on the weather, and until storage technology becomes cheaper, countries still need a reliable source of electricity for periods without sun or wind. [Extension] A sudden ban on coal and gas could therefore lead to power shortages and sharp increases in electricity bills, which would hit low-income households hardest. [Example] For instance, a country that closed all its coal plants within a few years might have to import expensive electricity from its neighbours during a cold, windless winter. [Wrap-up] A gradual transition, combined with retraining programmes for workers in the fossil fuel industry, would achieve the same goal at a much lower social cost.
| Paragraph | Content (model outline) |
|---|---|
| Introduction | Paraphrase the question + position: agree with the direction, but the transition should be gradual. |
| Body 1 (the part I agree with) | Renewable energy cuts emissions and reduces dependence on imported fuels (Argument 4). |
| Body 2 (my reservation) | The model paragraph above: a stable power supply and the social cost (Argument 5). |
| Conclusion | Restate “the direction is right, but the speed must be controlled”; add no new reasons. |
6. Common mistakes in environment essays
| Common mistake | Why it is wrong | How to fix it |
|---|---|---|
| Listing problems without comparing them | A Both views question asks “which is more important”, but you only write “there are also these problems” | End each reason with a sentence saying “so it matters more than X” |
| Listing causes alongside effects | Putting the greenhouse effect next to rising sea levels as if both were consequences | Work out the causal order first: emissions → greenhouse effect → warming → rising sea levels |
| Adding -s to “environment” or misusing the article | For the natural environment, use “the environment” | protect the environment |
| Adding -s to “pollution” | It is uncountable when it means pollution in general | air pollution, reduce pollution |
| sustained development | The fixed phrase is “sustainable” | sustainable development |
| so imperative that should… | “so … that” needs a subject after “that”, and “imperative” does not mean “serious” | so serious that it should not be ignored |
| Writing solutions without side effects | The argument becomes too idealistic | Add a sentence on the cost of the solution and the support it needs |
| Moving Task 1 data into Task 2 | In Task 2 you cannot cite specific figures from outside the question as facts | Use the concept, or a hypothetical example |
7. Practice questions (with suggested outlines)
Practice 1. Governments should ban all single-use plastic products. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Show the suggested outline
Position (model): Largely agree, but a transition period is needed.
Body 1: Plastic hardly breaks down; it flows into the ocean, harms marine life and enters the food chain.
Body 2 (reservation): Some medical supplies still need single-use plastic; alternatives are more expensive, so small shops need subsidies and time.
Useful words: phase out, biodegradable, a transition period.
Practice 2. Some people think that economic development is more important than protecting the environment. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Show the suggested outline
The other view: ① Developing countries need industrialisation to escape poverty. ② Only economic growth provides the budget for environmental protection.
My view: ① Repairing environmental damage costs far more than the short-term gains (Argument 3). ② The health problems caused by pollution are themselves an economic loss.
Conclusion: The two need not be opposed; green industries can also create jobs.
Practice 3. Many wild animals are losing their natural habitats. What are the causes of this problem, and what can be done to solve it?
Show the suggested outline
Causes: ① Urban expansion and road building cut habitats apart. ② Climate change makes existing habitats unsuitable (Argument 2).
Solutions: ① Create protected areas and carry out environmental impact assessments before development. ② Build wildlife corridors so animals can move between habitats.
Note: It is best to match each cause to a solution: habitats cut apart → wildlife corridors.
Further reading
- IELTS Task 2 Band 7 Sample: Is Species Loss the Biggest Environmental Problem?
- IELTS Task 2 Band 7.5 Sample: Food from All Over the World in Our Supermarkets
- IELTS Task 2 Topic Vocabulary (Part 1): Technology, Environment, Education and Work
- How to Write an IELTS Task 1 Process Diagram: Passive Voice, Sequencers and the Overview
- How to Write About Static Charts in IELTS Task 1: Proportions, Comparisons and “Respectively”
- How to Write an IELTS Discuss Both Views Essay: Paragraph Order, Conclusions and a Consistent Position
- All IELTS notes in English
This is the last part of “Environment and Energy”. To start again, go back to Part 1.
IELTS Notes in English · Topic Guides (post 4 of 10)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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