In this post: My advertising essay and Task 1 spending sentences broken down, a model outline with two body paragraphs, the most common mistakes in money essays, and three practice questions with model outlines.
Money and Consumption · 3 parts
- 1. Common questions and arguments
- 2. Vocabulary and two breakdowns
- 3. Model, mistakes and practice (you are here)
✦ In this post
4. Breaking down my own paragraphs (continued)
4-3 Trial essay 3: is advertising persuasive? (Discuss both views)
The question, in short: some people say advertising is very good at persuading us to buy things; others say advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Below is the body paragraph supporting “advertising works”.
Advertisements is beneficial to some extent. The main one is that it helps producers to catch customers’ attention from various brands. In other words, if a person keep seeing an item’s picture from a specific brand on a regular basic, it is undoubtedly that they will purchase it because of deep impression. For instance, facebook, which predicts customers’ preference by previous purchasing behaviors, shows the discount of those goods to motivate customers to buy it. Another reason is that advertisements are a good opportunity for producers to introduce their products to customers. To put it another way, since people is so busy to search the functions or characters of goods, advertisements are brillant paths for sellers to promote their items.
The content is good enough: both reasons (repeated exposure deepens the impression; adverts help busy people learn about products) are reasonable, and the Facebook targeting example fits well, so Task Response and Coherence both reached 7.
The problem is the language: this one paragraph has several subject–verb agreement errors (Advertisements is, a person keep, people is), plus on a regular basic (basis), it is undoubtedly that (undoubtedly, they will…), brillant (brilliant), characters of goods (features) and facebook without a capital letter. Each error is small on its own, but with seven or eight in one paragraph, Grammar and Lexical Resource both dropped to 6, pulling the overall score down to 6.5. Money and advertising questions are especially prone to these errors, because it is easy to confuse whether core nouns such as advertising, advertisement, money and information are countable. Section 6 sorts them out.
4-4 Task 1: describing income and spending
Task 14 (a household spending pie chart) scored TA 8 and 7 overall, while Task 5 (a household income bar chart) scored only TA 5 and 6 overall. One of the problems in Task 5 was imprecise labelling of the income groups: households in $25,000 (it was actually “less than $25,000”), salary group (the chart shows income, not salary) and households with income around $50,000–$74,999 (around cannot be used with a range). For the full analysis, see my bar chart samples.
The lesson carries over to Task 2: in money questions, salary (fixed monthly pay), wage (hourly or weekly pay), income (all money received), revenue (a company’s takings) and expenditure (spending) are different things. For example, when Task 25 talks about stars’ money, income or earnings is more precise than payment, because most of a star’s money is not a fixed salary but film fees, endorsements and profit shares.
5. Model: one outline + two body paragraphs
Model outline: should young people save their money or spend it on themselves? (Discuss both views)
| Paragraph | Content |
|---|---|
| Introduction | Paraphrase the question + position: I believe young people should strike a balance, but saving should come first. |
| Body 1 (the saving view) | For ① (see Part 1): an emergency fund gets people through sudden hardship (examples: medical bills, sudden job loss) |
| Body 2 (the spending view) | Against ① (see Part 1): investing in skills brings a higher income (example: a hypothetical course or certificate) |
| My view | First save a minimum emergency fund, then spend any extra money on further study |
| Conclusion | Restate both sides + the balanced position |
Model body paragraph 1 (Against ①: investing in yourself)
(Model) On the other hand, some people argue that young adults should spend their money on developing their skills rather than simply saving it. At the beginning of their careers, most young people earn relatively low salaries, so the amount they can save each month is limited. If they instead used that money to take a professional course or obtain a certificate, they might qualify for a better-paid position within a few years. In this case, the extra income would far exceed the interest they could have earned from a savings account, which is why investing in oneself can be a wiser financial decision.
The chain of reasoning: young people’s starting salaries are low → they can only save a little → investing in skills may lead to a higher salary → the extra income outweighs the interest. The example is introduced with a hypothetical conditional (If … used …, they might …), so there is no need to invent any data.
Model body paragraph 2 (a rewrite of my Task 25 argument)
This paragraph rewrites the off-target argument from Task 25 (4-2 in Part 2) so that pay becomes the starting point of the chain of reasoning.
(Model) The main reason why I agree with this view is that the enormous earnings of entertainers send young people the wrong message about what society values. When a pop star can earn more from a single advertisement than a nurse earns in a decade, teenagers may conclude that fame is more rewarding than hard work or public service. As a result, fewer young people may choose demanding but essential careers such as nursing or firefighting, which could eventually lead to staff shortages in these vital sectors.
What changed: the argument moved from “stars corrupt values” to “the gap between stars’ incomes and the pay for essential jobs sends the wrong signal”, so pay is now the focus. The example uses a contrast (“one advert versus ten years of salary”), which is an illustrative comparison, not real data. And the result is pushed through to “shortages in essential jobs”, which is more concrete than the original “lower productivity in the future”.
6. Common mistakes
| Common mistake | Why it is wrong | Better version |
|---|---|---|
| Advertisements is… / advertising are… | advertising (the activity) is uncountable; advertisements (individual adverts) are countable | Advertising is… / Advertisements are… |
| those information on advertisement | information is uncountable, and information inside an advert takes in | the information in advertisements |
| thousands of money | money is uncountable and cannot take a number directly | thousands of dollars / a large sum of money |
| gain extremely high payment | payment means the act of paying, not income | receive excessively high salaries / earn huge incomes |
| pose a financial burden to us | burden takes on | pose / place a financial burden on us |
| the price is expensive | price is described as high or low | the price is high / the product is expensive |
| economical problems | economical means “saving money”, not “related to the economy” | economic problems / financial difficulties |
| The main reason … is because… | reason and because repeat each other | The main reason … is that… |
| “stars wear designer clothes, so their pay is too high” (the example does not prove the point) | The example has to show what pay itself causes, not just describe a phenomenon | Explain through income gaps, social signals or how resources are distributed |
Checklist before you finish
- ☐ Have you used advertising / advertisement, money and information correctly as countable or uncountable?
- ☐ Have you kept salary, wage, income, revenue and expenditure apart?
- ☐ In Two-question essays, have you answered each question directly, without the argument sliding off to the side?
- ☐ If the question names a specific group (for example “including young people”), have you responded to it?
- ☐ Are your examples specific situations, rather than general truths or invented percentages?
- ☐ Have you checked subject–verb agreement (people are, a person keeps)?
7. Practice questions (with model outlines)
Practice 1 (Two-question)
Many people today buy large amounts of things they do not really need. Why is this happening? What effects does it have on individuals and society?
Show the model outline
Body 1 (causes):
- Cause ①: targeted adverts and online promotions encourage impulse buying → borrow For ⑤ (Part 1)
- Cause ②: comparison on social media makes consumption a status symbol → borrow extravagant lifestyle from Task 25
Body 2 (effects):
- Individuals: they cannot save, so they have no emergency fund when something unexpected happens → For ① used in reverse (Part 1)
- Society: large amounts of discarded goods cause waste and pollution
Topic sentence: One reason for excessive consumption is that targeted online advertisements constantly encourage impulse buying.
Practice 2 (Agree / Disagree)
Some people think schools should teach students how to manage money. Do you agree?
Show the model outline
Position: agree.
- Body 1: if they learn to budget and save, young people are less likely to fall into debt once they start work → combine with For ① (Part 1)
- Body 2: personal finance lessons may spark an interest in finance or starting a business (you can borrow the arguments from the “practical skills” question in Topic Vocabulary (Part 1))
- Concession: timetable space is limited, so the content could be built into maths lessons rather than taught as a separate subject
Topic sentence: Teaching financial skills at school would help young people avoid debt once they start earning their own money.
Practice 3 (Agree / Disagree)
Some people think advertising aimed at children should be banned completely. Do you agree?
Show the model outline
Position: mostly agree.
- Body 1: children lack judgement, find it hard to tell adverts from facts, and are easily influenced by exaggerated claims → borrow “misleading advertising” from Against ③ (Part 1)
- Body 2: adverts aimed at children often promote snacks and toys, creating financial pressure on parents and conflict within families
- Concession: educational public-service adverts could be an exception
Topic sentence: Children are particularly vulnerable to advertising, as they often cannot distinguish persuasive messages from factual information.
The arguments for money questions are not actually hard; what is hard is making every example genuinely prove the point. After you finish a paragraph, ask yourself: “If I took this example out, would my argument become weaker?” If not, the example is only decoration, and you should replace it with one closer to the point. The next Topic Guide covers culture and the arts: museums, cultural differences, local customs and arts funding.
Further reading
- Task 2 band 6.5 sample: is advertising persuasive?
- Task 2 band 6.5 sample: are stars paid too much?
- How to write Agree / Disagree essays
- Task 1 bar charts: band 6, 6.5 and 7.5 samples compared
- Task 1 pie charts: band 6.5 vs band 7 samples compared
- Task 2 Topic Vocabulary (Part 2): economy, business and advertising
- IELTS study notes overview (in Chinese)
This is the last part of “Money and Consumption”. To start again, go back to Part 1.
IELTS Notes in English · Topic Guides (post 7 of 10)
← Previous: IELTS Task 2 Topic Guide: Cities, Housing and Transport
Next →: IELTS Task 2 Topic Guide: Culture and the Arts
Task 1 Structure · Task 2 Structure · Topic Guides · Writing Language · Band Score Samples · Practice Methods · Speaking & Study Tips
✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
← Back to IELTS notes in English
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