In this post: Two groups of population collocations taken from my essays, then a breakdown of paragraphs from my two Band 7.5 essays (Task 45 and Task 43): what worked and what to watch.
Population and Society · 3 parts
- 1. Common questions and 8 arguments
- 2. Collocations and my 7.5 essays (you are here)
- 3. Models, mistakes and practice
3. Core vocabulary and collocations
The right-hand column shows the original sentences from my essays, kept exactly as I wrote them; the brackets give a more natural version.
Population structure and public finance
| Collocation | Meaning / usage | Sentence from my essay (source) |
|---|---|---|
| the proportion of young adults | the share of young adults in a population | In some nations, the proportion of young adults is bigger than that of the older generation (Task 45; larger / higher) |
| increase government revenue | raise the money the state collects | The primary benefit of this phenomenon is that it increases the authorities’ income (Task 45; government revenue is more precise) |
| a mandatory national insurance scheme | a compulsory state insurance system | the income of this mandatory national insurance will increase simultaneously (Task 45) |
| flexible budget allocation | freedom to decide where public money goes | further leading to flexible budget usage (Task 45; allocation is more natural than usage) |
| enhance the competitiveness of society | make a society more competitive | it enhances competitiveness of community (Task 45; the competitiveness of society) |
| an indispensable part of | an essential part of | young laborers are indispensable parts for the society (Task 45; an indispensable part of society) |
| an ageing population | a population with a growing share of older people | (notes) aging population poses financial burden on both the government and households (poses a financial burden) |
| life expectancy | how long people are expected to live on average | (notes) life expectancy of human beings has increased in decades (in recent decades) |
| raise the retirement age | make people retire later | (model) Many governments are considering raising the retirement age. |
Family, care and upbringing
| Collocation | Meaning / usage | Sentence from my essay (source) |
|---|---|---|
| childcare support | help with looking after children | it is recommended that the authorities should implement childcare support to enhance social well-being (Task 45; recommend is followed by the base form, and dropping should is more formal) |
| take care of offspring | look after one’s children | surpass the difficulty of taking care of offspring (Task 45) |
| relieve one’s burden | reduce someone’s load | (notes) the help from the elderly can undoubtedly alleviate their burden as well as the expenditure on babysitters |
| boost children’s potential | help children develop their abilities | Another factor is that it boosts children’s potential (Task 43) |
| take the possibility of failure into consideration | consider that you might fail | they do not take the possibility of failure into consideration (Task 43) |
| undertake a big loss | suffer a large loss | they may need to undertake the big loss of their initial investment (Task 43; suffer a heavy loss on their initial investment) |
| negatively impact mental well-being | harm mental health | which negatively impacts people’s mental well-being (Task 43) |
| the sandwich generation | adults caring for both their children and their ageing parents | (model) The sandwich generation must care for both their children and their ageing parents. |
| long-term care | ongoing care for people who cannot fully look after themselves | (model) The government should expand long-term care services for the elderly. |
4. Breaking down paragraphs from my marked essays
The paragraphs below are the original versions I submitted for marking, without a single word changed.
4.1 Task 45: more young adults than older people (Outweigh)
The question in brief: in some countries, the population includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with older people. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? I argued that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Below are my first body paragraph and my concession paragraph.
The primary benefit of this phenomenon is that it increases the authorities’ income. There is no denying that tax or some related payments from young adults are the main sources for most countries, since the government tends to ask younger workers to pay more. The National Taiwan healthcare insurance, which only requests youngsters to pay, is a good example. If the number of taxpayers grows, the income of this mandatory national insurance will increase simultaneously. Therefore, younger population grants the authorities concerned more income, further leading to flexible budget usage.
What works: the point is clear from the start (more government income), followed by why (young people are the main source of tax), an example (national health insurance) and the result (more contributors → more income → a more flexible budget). The last phrase, further leading to flexible budget usage, pushes the effect one step further. This “result of the result” is key to an 8 in Task Response: the examiner sees that I did not just say income rises, but also what that rise means.
What to watch: the example is described too absolutely. The claim that Taiwan’s National Health Insurance “only charges young people” is not accurate. Everyone in Taiwan is required to join, and premiums are shared between the insured person, employers and the government; people with earned income simply carry a larger share. When describing an example like this, a phrase such as working-age adults contribute the largest share of premiums keeps you safe. The same goes for since the government tends to ask younger workers to pay more: the real reason is that young people have earned income, not that the government deliberately makes them pay more. IELTS does not test facts, but a wrong example makes the foundation of your reasoning unreliable.
However, there are some downsides associated with this phenomenon, one of which is childcare related issue. After young adults enter the workplace, they lose their time to stay with their children. Besides that, this situation will become even worsen if they do not gain some help from older generation. Hence, since the importance of children’s education is so important that it should not be ignored, relatively lower number of the elderly poses a threat on educating and taking care of kids.
The concession paragraph is missing one step of logic. The question asks about the effects of having more young people than older people, but the first two sentences (young people have no time for their children after starting work) describe a problem every dual-income family has; it has no direct link to population structure. The part that really relates to the question is the third sentence, about not getting help from the older generation: because there are fewer older people, there are fewer grandparents to help with the grandchildren. Putting this step first would tie the paragraph much more closely to the question. Also, the importance of children’s education is so important repeats importance and important; poses a threat on should be poses a threat to; and even worsen should be even worse.
The conclusion works very well: the final paragraph says that the benefits of higher government income and productivity outweigh the difficulty of childcare, and then recommends that the government provide childcare support. In effect, it answers the disadvantage in the concession paragraph with a policy. A conclusion that both weighs the two sides and offers a solution in an Outweigh essay is one of the reasons Coherence reached 8.
4.2 Task 43: telling children they can achieve anything if they work hard (Advantages / Disadvantages)
The question in brief: in some cultures, adults often tell children that they can achieve anything if they work hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? Below is my disadvantages paragraph.
However, teaching children that their dreams will undoubtedly come true is sometimes disadvantageous. First and foremost, those people may encounter financial difficulties since they do not take the possibility of failure into consideration. Due to the fact that they are taught to keep working to reach their dreams, people lose the ability to evaluate the sides of getting loss. Therefore, they may need to undertake the big loss of their initial investment because of the inappropriate anticipation of the outcome. Secondly, it causes some mental illnesses like depression. It is readily apparent that if people do not know about the potential consequences, they do not prepare for the pressure they may meet, which negatively impacts people’s mental well-being.
Why Lexical Resource reached 8: this is the only one of my 50 marked essays that scored 8 for LR. Take the possibility of failure into consideration, the inappropriate anticipation of the outcome and negatively impacts people’s mental well-being are all precise collocations, and they are used to fit the content of the question rather than forced in as fancy words. The vocabulary in this essay is not especially difficult, but every word is in the right place.
The reasoning is complete: both disadvantages start from the same root (not considering the possibility of failure) and then lead in two directions, financial and psychological. This is a clever approach: the reader can see straight away that the two points are connected, so Coherence is naturally clear.
What could be better: the ability to evaluate the sides of getting loss is unnatural; change it to the ability to evaluate the risk of failure. The first disadvantage is about losing money on investments as an adult, which feels a little distant from “children”. Adding a transition such as “when these children grow up” would make the timeline clearer. My own analysis is that Grammar stayed at 7 because small slips like these (getting loss, the big loss, and can success in the previous paragraph) add up. They don’t affect understanding, but they fall short of the Band 8 requirement that the majority of sentences are error-free.
Continue reading · Part 3 of 3
IELTS Notes in English · Topic Guides (post 10 of 10)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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