In this post: how to push a general argument down to a mechanism, the core collocations with my original sentences, and three of my own paragraphs broken down, from 6.5 to 7.
Technology and Media · 3 parts
- 1. Common questions and argument bank
- 2. Collocations and my own paragraphs (you are here)
- 3. Model paragraph and practice
✦ In this post
2. Argument bank: eight logic chains for technology essays (continued)
From “what everyone writes” to “the mechanism”
To stand out in a technology essay, the key is to push a general argument one level deeper, down to “how does it actually happen?”. Here is a comparison I often use myself: on the left is the first version that comes to mind, and on the right is the version pushed down to a mechanism.
| What everyone writes | Pushed down to a mechanism | The difference |
|---|---|---|
| Technology makes life convenient. | Online banking allows people to pay bills in seconds instead of queuing at a branch. | Says which technology, and what it saves |
| Phones are bad for children’s health. | Children who spend hours on screens tend to exercise less and sleep later. | Says through what route health is affected |
| AI will cause unemployment. | AI can process routine paperwork faster than clerks, so companies need fewer administrative staff. | Says which kind of job is replaced, and why |
| People ignore advertisements. | Viewers can skip many video adverts after a few seconds, so many messages are never seen. | Says how adverts are ignored |
None of the sentences on the right uses difficult words, yet they are clearly more convincing than those on the left. Back then, my paragraphs often stopped at the left-hand version: I wrote a topic sentence and jumped straight to an example. That is one reason my Coherence was stuck at 6 or 7.
3. Core vocabulary and collocations for technology essays
| Collocation | My original sentence (source essay) | More natural / upgraded version |
|---|---|---|
| communicate in person | keeps individuals from learning the capability of communicating in person (face-to-face essay) | prevents people from developing the ability to communicate in person |
| body language / facial expressions | take care of others’ feelings through their facial expressions and sign language (face-to-face essay) | “Sign language” is the language used by deaf people; here it should be gestures |
| deprive sb of sth | using mobile phones and computers deprives us of learning how to know others’ feelings (face-to-face essay) | deprives us of the chance to learn how others feel |
| coherent sentences | we can send a wide range of short phrases instead of coherent sentences (face-to-face essay) | Natural; use it as it is |
| lower expenditure | driverless vehicles are more economical, lowering expenditure on companies (driverless essay) | lowering costs for companies |
| be powered by electricity | most of those cars are driven by electricity (driverless essay) | powered by electricity (“driven” can be read as “steered by a driver”) |
| job vacancies | results in the decrease in jobs vacancies (driverless essay) | results in a decrease in job vacancies |
| catch customers’ attention | it helps producers to catch customers’ attention from various brands (advertising essay) | Natural; “from” could become “for” |
| on a regular basis | keep seeing an item’s picture … on a regular basic (advertising essay) | basis (“basic” is an adjective) |
| fake advertising | With increasingly cases of fake advertising (advertising essay) | With an increasing number of cases of false advertising |
| algorithm | (I never used it; added here) | algorithms recommend content based on users’ browsing history |
| retraining / upskilling | (I never used it; added here) | provide retraining programmes for displaced workers |
| screen time | (I never used it; added here) | limit children’s screen time: essential for questions about children and phones |
4. Breaking down my own paragraphs: from 6.5 to 7
The paragraphs below are the original versions I submitted for marking, unedited. The analysis is my own, based on the public band descriptors.
Breakdown 1 | Driverless vehicles (Cambridge 16 Test 4, Outweigh): 6.5, missing the “weighing”
Original: the disadvantages paragraph
Those opposed to the usage of driverless vehicles due to the following two reasons. First and foremost, the usage of those cars results in the decrease in jobs vacancies, leading to high unemployment rate in related industries. In other words, when driverless vehicles replace the traditional ones, those drivers will definitely lose their jobs. Secondly, the concern of road safety will increase simultaneously if the driverless vehicles are used on the roads. For instance, car accidents may happen easily without the supervision by humans.
The main problem with this essay: an Outweigh question asks whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, but the whole essay is just one paragraph of advantages and one of disadvantages, and it never compares how much each side matters. The conclusion says the advantages are greater, but the reason simply repeats “saving money and being environmentally friendly”, without explaining why saving money matters more than unemployment. That is the key reason Task Response was only 6.
The paragraph itself: the second disadvantage (safety) is only one claim and one very short example, clearly thinner than the first disadvantage. The first sentence, “Those opposed to … due to”, also has no main verb (it should be Those who oppose … do so for two reasons).
There is also a logical gap in the content: the advantages paragraph says driverless cars are “mostly electric, so they are environmentally friendly”. But “driverless” and “electric” are two separate things: an electric car with a human driver is just as green. An argument like this can easily be seen as only loosely connected to the question.
Rewrite (adding a weighing sentence at the end of the paragraph)
Admittedly, the loss of driving jobs is a serious concern. However, this transition is likely to happen gradually, giving governments time to retrain drivers, whereas the safety benefits of removing human error could save lives every day. For this reason, I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
The core pattern for weighing is “acknowledge the drawback → show that it can be managed or has limited impact → show that the advantage is more fundamental”. The full breakdown is in the driverless vehicles Band 6.5 sample, and how to weigh both sides is in Outweigh and advantages/disadvantages essays.
Breakdown 2 | Face-to-face communication (Agree): 7, an example that fits the argument
Original: the second body paragraph
Another factor supporting my opinion is that we lose the ability to think rapidly. If we are talking with others face to face, we need to carry out appropriate responses in a matter of seconds. Besides that, impolite and rude words ought to be avoided, and complete and logical sentences should be made. Nevertheless, people can never practice this capability before trying to chat in person. For instance, when we use the LINE application to talk with others, we can send a wide range of short phrases instead of coherent sentences. In addition, users can remove those inappropriate ones as long as the message remains unread. Hence, when people overuse those digital communication tools, they lose the ability to think fast and generate ideas quickly.
What works: this essay got 8 for Coherence. The argument is “we lose the ability to respond quickly”, and the example (LINE is the most widely used messaging app in Taiwan) matches two aspects of it precisely: ① on LINE you send short phrases, so you never have to build complete sentences; ② you can unsend a message before it is read, so you never have to get it right the first time. Every detail of the example proves the argument, which is why I think this paragraph is better than my others.
What could be improved: “Nevertheless” is not quite accurate. The previous sentence describes what face-to-face talk demands, and this one needs to say “but you cannot practise this online”, so However is more natural. “people can never practice this capability before trying to chat in person” is roundabout and could become online chatting offers few opportunities to practise this skill. Also, “never” is too absolute; “rarely” is safer.
Breakdown 3 | Advertising (Both views): content 7, language 6
Original: the first body paragraph (extract)
Advertisements is beneficial to some extent. The main one is that it helps producers to catch customers’ attention from various brands. In other words, if a person keep seeing an item’s picture from a specific brand on a regular basic, it is undoubtedly that they will purchase it because of deep impression. For instance, facebook, which predicts customers’ preference by previous purchasing behaviors, shows the discount of those goods to motivate customers to buy it.
Content: the argument (repeated exposure deepens the impression) plus the example (social media pushes discounts based on purchase history) is a strong combination, and both Task Response and Coherence were 7.
Language is where the marks were lost: in just four sentences there are subject–verb agreement errors (“Advertisements is”, “a person keep”), a spelling error (basic → basis), a structural error (“it is undoubtedly that” → there is no doubt that), a proper noun in lower case (facebook) and an inconsistent pronoun (goods … buy it). Each error is small on its own, but the density is too high, so Lexical Resource and Grammar landed on 6.
Rewrite
Advertising is persuasive to some extent. The main reason is that repeated exposure helps a brand stay in customers’ minds. If people see the same product regularly, they are more likely to choose it when they eventually need to buy something similar. Facebook, for instance, uses previous purchases to predict users’ preferences and shows them discounts on related items.
This rewrite adds no difficult words. It simply clears out the errors and changes “they will definitely buy it” to the safer “they are more likely to choose it”. The full analysis is in the advertising Band 6.5 sample.
The three essays side by side
| Essay | Scores (TR / CC / LR / GRA → overall) | Biggest strength | What most needed fixing |
|---|---|---|---|
| Driverless vehicles (Outweigh) | 6 / 6 / 7 / 7 → 6.5 | Both advantages and disadvantages were relevant | No weighing; the safety argument was too short |
| Face-to-face communication (Agree) | 7–8 / 8 / 7 / 7 → 7 | Every detail of the example proved the argument | A few words were too absolute |
| Advertising (Both views) | 7 / 7 / 6 / 6 → 6.5 | Good pairing of argument and example | Too many grammar errors |
The three essays teach three different lessons: what the question type demands (weighing), how closely the example fits the argument, and how accurate the language is. Technology arguments may be easy to think of, but if you miss any one of these three, your score will stay at 6.5.
Continue reading · Part 3 of 3
IELTS Notes in English · Topic Guides (post 3 of 10)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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