In this post: Model rewrites of the introduction and first body paragraph, a Both Views structure with sentence frames and position options, and a self-check list with practice.
Band 6 Sample: Accept or Improve · 3 parts
- 1. Question type and original essay
- 2. Criteria and three position traps
- 3. Rewrites, frames and self-check (you are here)
✦ In this post
5. Rewrite: the introduction and the first body paragraph
The two paragraphs below are my model rewrites of the original (the original essay is in Part 1). I kept the original ideas as far as possible (less competitive pressure, more free time) and only fixed the question-type framework, the topic sentence and the word choice, so you can see how much difference it makes when the same ideas are put in the right place.
Model rewrite | Introduction
When people face an unsatisfactory job or a shortage of money, opinions differ on how they should respond. Some argue that accepting the situation is the wiser choice, while others believe that people should actively try to change it. This essay will examine both views before explaining why I side with the latter.
| What changed | Original | Rewrite | Why |
|---|---|---|---|
| Both views are stated | there are two views regarding encountering adversities | Some argue that accepting… while others believe that people should actively try to change it. | The first job in a Both Views question: prove you have understood both views. |
| The Outweigh skeleton is gone | whether the merits … outnumber the demerits | (deleted) | This question does not compare pros and cons; it compares two approaches. |
| The position sentence matches the question | the negatives of accepting poorer situation surpass the positives | why I side with the latter | Say directly which view you support, so the rest of the essay can echo it. |
Model rewrite | Body paragraph 1 (view A)
Those who favour accepting a difficult situation have some valid points. The main argument is that acceptance reduces pressure. Rather than constantly comparing themselves with more successful colleagues, people who come to terms with a modest job can focus on what they already have, which may protect their mental health. In addition, accepting one’s circumstances can free up time and energy. Someone who is not working overtime or studying for a new qualification every evening, for example, has more time for family and hobbies, which can make an ordinary life feel more fulfilling.
This paragraph changes three things. First, the topic sentence is now positive: “Those who favour accepting a difficult situation have some valid points” tells the reader clearly that this paragraph speaks for side A. Second, “choosing a low-paid job” is brought back to “accepting the situation”: “come to terms with” (to accept and make peace with something) and “accepting one’s circumstances” keep the argument tied to the question. Third, every point goes on to say how it affects people: the original stopped at “not having to compete with others”, while the rewrite goes one step further to “protect their mental health”; the original stopped at “having free time”, while the rewrite goes on to “make an ordinary life feel more fulfilling”.
6. A Both Views structure and sentence frames you can take away
| Paragraph | Job | Sentence skeleton |
|---|---|---|
| Introduction | Paraphrase both views + preview your position | Some argue that A, while others believe that B. This essay will discuss both views before explaining why I agree with the latter / former. |
| Body 1 | Present the reasons for view A fairly (the topic sentence must be positive) | Those who support A have some valid points. / There are several reasons why some people prefer A. |
| Body 2 | Present the reasons for view B + show this is your side | However, I believe that B is more beneficial in the long run. / On the other hand, there are stronger reasons to favour B. |
| Conclusion | Acknowledge both sides, restate your position and your main reason | In conclusion, although A may bring …, I believe B is the better approach because … |
Which position can you take in a Both Views essay?
Many people think a Both Views essay must pick one side. In fact there are three possible positions, and any of them works as long as it stays consistent from the introduction to the conclusion. I chose the first one most of the time, because it is the easiest to write and the hardest to contradict yourself in; but if you genuinely have a more nuanced view of the question, the third one can earn you extra credit when done well.
| Type of position | How to state it in the introduction | How to divide the body paragraphs | Who it suits |
|---|---|---|---|
| Support one side | …before explaining why I agree with the latter. | Body 1 gives the other side’s reasons, body 2 gives the reasons for the side I support, at roughly equal length. | Most people; the safest choice. |
| Both are partly right | I believe both views have merit, depending on the situation. | Bodies 1 and 2 each explain in what circumstances that view is right. | People with a concrete “it depends” view of the question. |
| Accept first, then improve | I think people should accept a situation in the short term but work to improve it. | Body 1 covers the short-term value of accepting, body 2 explains why you should improve things in the long run. | People who want a more nuanced position and have good control of English. |
Whichever you choose, one thing cannot change: whatever you say in the introduction, the conclusion must say the same, and every paragraph in between must connect to that position. My problem in this essay was not picking the wrong side. It was that the introduction said “the drawbacks of accepting outweigh the benefits”, the body paragraphs described “the benefits of both approaches”, and the conclusion said “improving is better”: three places, each saying something different.
Here is what I suggest. Before you start writing, jot down one sentence on your scrap paper (in any language): “My position is ___, because ___.” Look back at it after the introduction, after each body paragraph and before the conclusion. It takes about ten seconds, and it blocks exactly the mistakes this essay made: topic sentences contradicting their content, and a conclusion borrowing the other side’s reasons. Looking at my score records, most of my Task 2 essays from late June onwards got CC 8, and consistency of paragraphs and position was the clearest improvement.
In my notes, I kept the position sentences for each question type separate. Before you start, ask yourself: “Is this question comparing two views, or the good and bad sides of the same thing?” The answer decides which skeleton your opening sentence should use.
| Common misuse | Problem | Better version |
|---|---|---|
| whether the merits of A outnumber the demerits (in a Both Views question) | Wrong question type; “outnumber” is also wrong | Some people believe A, while others think B. |
| An array of factors may contribute to why A seems disadvantageous (followed by benefits) | The label contradicts the content | There are several reasons why some people support A. |
| On the other hand, as far as I am concerned, | Unclear what is being contrasted; personal opinion mixed in too early | However, I believe that B is more convincing. |
| based on the aforementioned, I firmly believe… | Sounds heavily templated | In conclusion, while A has some benefits, I believe B is the better choice because… |
7. Self-check list and quick practice
Self-check list
- ☐ Have I circled the final instruction in the question (discuss both views / outweigh / agree or disagree)?
- ☐ Does my introduction paraphrase both views in my own words?
- ☐ Does the skeleton of my position sentence match the question type? (No “merits outweigh demerits” in a Both Views essay.)
- ☐ Does each paragraph’s topic sentence point in the same direction as the content that follows? (A paragraph of benefits cannot open with a negative word.)
- ☐ Do the body paragraphs deliver everything my position sentence promised?
- ☐ Are the reasons in my conclusion ones I gave for my own side in the body, not the other side’s arguments?
- ☐ Have I quietly swapped a key word in the question (for example, writing “choose” instead of “accept”)?
- ☐ Have I replaced advanced words I am not sure of with safe basic ones?
Quick practice: each of the three topic sentences below comes with a summary of the paragraph’s content. Decide whether the topic sentence matches the content, and if not, how you would fix it.
1. Topic sentence: There are several drawbacks to working from home. / Content: saves commuting time; more flexible hours.
Mismatch. The content gives two benefits, but the topic sentence says “drawbacks”. Change it to There are several benefits to working from home., or replace the content with two drawbacks (for example, communication is harder and it is easy to get distracted).2. The question is Both Views (A: children should learn practical skills; B: children should focus on academic subjects). Topic sentence: The advantages of practical skills outweigh the disadvantages.
Wrong question type. In a Both Views essay, a body paragraph should present the reasons for view A, not weigh up A’s pros and cons. It could become Supporters of practical lessons have several convincing arguments.3. Position sentence: I believe that improving a bad situation is wiser. / Reason in the conclusion: because accepting a bad situation gives people more free time.
The reason in the conclusion contradicts the position; it effectively argues for the other side. The conclusion should use a reason that supports improving, for example because improvement leads to better income and more career opportunities.More from the same score range
This essay was my Band 6 starting point. The posts below describe the experiences that helped me most on the way from 6 to 7:
- Review of my tutor Ali: simplifying my essay structure, from 400 back to 300 words (in Chinese): this essay ran to 378 words; Ali taught me to simplify my structure and bring the length back to around 300 words, and writing a little less actually meant fewer mistakes
- How to check your IELTS sub-scores and understand the four criteria (in Chinese): find out where your four sub-scores sit first, so you know whether to work on TR, CC, LR or GRA
- My successful IDP re-mark: how Writing went from 6.5 to 7.0 (in Chinese): I was stuck at 6.5 in Writing for a long time; this is how I finally got 7.0 through a one-skill retake and a re-mark
- Overview of all my IELTS notes (in Chinese)
This is the last part of “Band 6 Sample: Accept or Improve”. To start again, go back to Part 1.
IELTS Notes in English · Band Score Samples (post 8 of 19)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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