
這篇筆記: 環保段和缺點段的改寫示範(承認、限縮、比較),可直接帶走的 Outweigh 結構與句型,最後是自我檢查清單和小練習。
Task 2 6.5 分範文:自駕車優點大於缺點嗎|共 3 篇
- 1. 題型、原文與 TR 6
- 2. CC 到 GRA 與權衡問題
- 3. 改寫示範與結構句型(你正在讀)

五、改寫示範:環保段與缺點段
以下兩段是我寫的改寫示範(原文見第 1 篇)。環保段修正因果鏈,缺點段示範如何「承認、限縮、比較」,讓 Outweigh 的判斷出現在主體段裡,而不是只靠結論一句話。
改寫示範|環保段(優點二)
Another key benefit is that driverless vehicles could make road transport cleaner. Because computers accelerate and brake more smoothly than human drivers, they waste less energy. Moreover, if self-driving cars are shared and called on demand, far fewer vehicles would be needed in cities, which would reduce both congestion and emissions. Since many of these vehicles are also being designed to run on electricity, the change could speed up the move away from petrol and diesel.
改了什麼:先說自駕車本身的環保理由(駕駛更平順、共享減少車輛),把「電動」降為補充說明,而且用 many of these vehicles are also being designed 這種保守的說法,不再說成「大多數自駕車都是電動車」。這樣因果鏈就完整了。
改寫示範|缺點段(含權衡)
Admittedly, driverless transport would come at a cost to professional drivers. Taxi, bus and lorry drivers could see their jobs disappear, and older workers in particular may struggle to find new careers. However, this problem is temporary and manageable. Governments could use part of the money that transport companies save to fund retraining schemes, helping former drivers move into roles such as vehicle maintenance or fleet monitoring. Since the savings are permanent while the disruption is short-term, the overall balance remains positive.
| 句子功能 | 改寫示範的句子 | 作用 |
|---|---|---|
| 承認 | Admittedly, driverless transport would come at a cost to professional drivers. | 公平地提出缺點,顯示你有考慮反方。 |
| 具體化 | Taxi, bus and lorry drivers could see their jobs disappear… | 用具體職業取代 In other words 式的重述。 |
| 限縮 | However, this problem is temporary and manageable. | 降低缺點的份量。 |
| 解方 | Governments could use part of the money… to fund retraining schemes | 把「公司省錢」和「司機失業」連起來,處理兩者的關係。 |
| 比較 | Since the savings are permanent while the disruption is short-term… | 直接寫出權衡的理由:長期 vs 短期。 |
你會發現,這段把原本的「重大問題一」和「重大問題二」(見第 2 篇)一起解決了:省下來的錢拿去做職業訓練,讓優點和缺點產生關聯;最後一句直接做出長期和短期的比較,Outweigh 的判斷就出現了。原文的安全疑慮,在五段結構裡可以選擇不寫;如果要寫,就一定要用同樣的方式處理(例如說明技術和法規會讓風險下降)。
改寫示範|結論
In conclusion, although job losses are a genuine concern, the lower costs and cleaner transport offered by driverless vehicles are long-term gains that society would enjoy for decades. Provided that the authorities support displaced drivers, I am convinced that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
結論的寫法也跟原文不同:原文只重複兩個優點,改寫示範用 although 先承認缺點,再用 long-term gains 呼應缺點段的權衡,最後用 Provided that 帶出條件與建議。
六、可直接帶走的 Outweigh 結構與句型
| 段落 | 內容 | 句型骨架 |
|---|---|---|
| 開頭 | 改寫題目情境+明確立場 | With advances in …, it is likely that … in the future. Although this trend has some drawbacks, I believe its benefits clearly outweigh them. |
| 主體一 | 最重要的優點 | The main benefit of … is that … For example, … |
| 主體二 | 第二個優點 | Another key advantage is that … As a result, … |
| 主體三 | 一個缺點+權衡 | Admittedly, … However, this problem is … because … Therefore, the overall balance remains positive. |
| 結論 | 重申判斷+權衡理由+建議 | In conclusion, although …, the benefits of … outweigh the drawbacks. Provided that …, … |
| 權衡用句型 | 意思 | 例句骨架 |
|---|---|---|
| …is temporary, whereas … is long-lasting. | 短期 vs 長期 | Job losses are temporary, whereas lower transport costs are long-lasting. |
| …can be addressed by … | 缺點可解決 | Safety concerns can be addressed by stricter testing and regulation. |
| …affects only a small group, while … benefits everyone. | 影響範圍 | The change affects a small group of workers, while cheaper transport benefits everyone. |
| On balance, … carries more weight than … | 直接比較 | On balance, reduced emissions carry more weight than the inconvenience of change. |
七、自我檢查清單與小練習
自我檢查清單
- ☐ 開頭有沒有改寫題目的情境,而不是只改寫問句?
- ☐ 立場句用的是 outweigh(重要性),不是 overtake、outnumber?
- ☐ 結構有沒有反映立場?(建議:優點兩段、缺點一段)
- ☐ 缺點段有沒有「承認 → 限縮 → 比較」,而不是寫完缺點就結束?
- ☐ 我提出的缺點,有沒有比我的優點還重、卻沒處理?(例如安全疑慮)
- ☐ 我的論點是這個主題「獨有」的嗎?(自駕車 ≠ 電動車)
- ☐ 結論有沒有回應缺點,而不是只重複優點?
- ☐ 每個 In other words、To put it another way 後面,真的是在換句話說嗎?
小練習:以下是一個 Outweigh 題(線上購物的優點是否大於缺點)的缺點段草稿,請找出它少了什麼,並試著補一句。
練習草稿
However, online shopping also has a drawback. Many local shops have closed because people no longer visit them, and some shop assistants have lost their jobs.
這段少了什麼?可以怎麼補?
如果你想寫「安全疑慮」當自駕車的缺點,可以怎麼權衡?
這是〈Task 2 6.5 分範文:自駕車優點大於缺點嗎〉的最後一篇。想從頭複習可以回到 第 1 篇。
同分數段還可以看
這篇是 6.5 分、TR 和 CC 拖後腿的典型。下面是我在同一個分數段卡關時,對我最有幫助的幾篇:
- Ali 老師:把寫作架構精簡化,從 400 字寫回 300 字:這篇原文 297 字已經算精簡,Ali 老師的架構精簡化概念讓我知道「少寫一點、但每段都有功能」比寫滿更重要
- Farid 前考官:口說、寫作即時批改心得:寫作即時批改的經驗分享,適合想知道自己的論點有沒有答到題目的人
- 雅思小分怎麼查?看懂四項小分:TR、CC 6,LR、GRA 7 的組合很常見,先看懂自己的小分組合再決定練習方向
- IDP 複查成功:寫作 6.5 到 7.0 的經過:寫作 6.5 卡關到最後拿到 7.0 的過程
IELTS 寫作攻略導覽 · 分數範文(第 9 / 19 篇)
← 上一篇:6|接受困境還是改善?Both views 的立場陷阱
下一篇 →:6.5|明星薪水太高?雙問題的論點偏題與清單式舉例
✦ Target Your Future
有些日子,明明練了很久,成績卻還停在原地。希望這篇筆記能讓你知道,備考路上遇到挫折並不孤單。一次次重聽的錄音、改過的作文、終於敢說出口的句子,都是你已經走過的路。
把這些經驗寫下來,是想陪下一個正在準備的人少繞一點路。你不必照著我的方法前進,只需要慢慢找到適合自己的節奏。累的時候可以休息,再回來做今天能完成的一小步。
願你最後帶走的,不只是成績單上的數字,還有更相信自己、敢往世界走近一點的勇氣。
— Ting
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