In this post: Model rewrites of a body paragraph and a short concession, the four-paragraph Agree/Disagree structure with sentence patterns, and a self-check list with three exercises.
Shorter Working Week, Band 7 · 3 parts
- 1. Question, essay and scores
- 2. CC 8 and what held it back
- 3. Rewrites, structure and exercises (you are here)
✦ In this post
Model rewrite: a body paragraph and a concession
Below are versions I have rewritten now (marked “model rewrite”). They focus on fixing the jumps in reasoning, adding the missing articles, and showing how to deal with the other side in a single sentence or two.
Model rewrite 1: Body 1
[Model rewrite]
The main reason I support a longer weekend is that well-rested employees work more effectively. Fatigue builds up over the course of a week, so by Friday many people are tired, easily distracted and more likely to make mistakes. If that day were given back to them as rest, they would return on Monday with more energy and focus, and the work completed in four days could match what is currently achieved in five. In other words, a shorter working week is less about working less and more about working better.
- “An eight-hour day is tiring” becomes “tiredness builds up over the week”, so the reasoning now connects with “one day less at work”.
- Every longer weekend and shorter working week now has the article a.
- The final sentence closes with less about … and more about … instead of the all-purpose “society becomes more competitive”, so the point stays closer to the question.
- The idea of productivity appears only once; work more effectively and energy and focus express it in other ways, which cuts repetition.
Model rewrite 2: the Body 2 example + a short concession
[Model rewrite]
Take weekend trips as an example. Getting from a city to the mountains or the coast often involves several hours on the road each way, so a two-day weekend leaves little time to actually enjoy the destination. With a three-day weekend, people could leave the city, spend time in nature and come back genuinely refreshed rather than more exhausted.
Admittedly, some sectors, such as hospitals and retail, cannot simply close for an extra day. However, these employers could introduce rotating schedules, so that every employee still enjoys a longer break even if the business stays open.
The first paragraph turns my own example into a situation anyone can picture: the point is the same, but it persuades more widely. The second paragraph is a new concession: Admittedly acknowledges the other side’s concern, and However explains how it could be solved. These two sentences can go at the end of Body 2 or just before the conclusion. They show the examiner that you have “thought about the other side”, which is a very helpful step when moving TR from 7 to 8.
Agree/Disagree structure and sentence patterns
A four-paragraph Agree/Disagree structure
| Paragraph | What to do | The matching part of this essay |
|---|---|---|
| Introduction | Paraphrase the question + state your position + preview two reasons | It is argued that … I totally agree with this statement because … |
| Body 1 | Main reason: topic sentence → explanation → inference → example → extension | Enough rest means higher efficiency |
| Body 2 | Second reason, with the same structure as Body 1; optionally a two-sentence concession at the end | A long weekend allows trips and relaxation, which helps mental health |
| Conclusion | Restate your position + summarise the reasons | I want to reiterate my agreement … |
Sentence patterns to take away
It is argued that … . I totally agree with this view because it … and … .
The main reason I support … is that … . To be more specific, … .
Another factor supporting my opinion is that … . In other words, … .
…, let alone … .
Admittedly, … . However, … .
In conclusion, I strongly believe that …, as it not only … but also … .
Article mistakes I often make (and made here)
| Situation | Wrong | Right |
|---|---|---|
| Comparative + singular countable noun | longer weekend | a longer weekend |
| Adjective + singular countable noun | shorter working week | a shorter working week |
| in … way | in efficient way | in an efficient way |
Total or partial agreement: how to choose?
Many people ask whether “partly agree” is the safer option for Agree/Disagree questions. My view: choose the side for which you can most easily think of two clear reasons. Total agreement or total disagreement gives the simplest structure: both body paragraphs point the same way, so it is hard to contradict yourself halfway through, and that is the approach this essay takes. Partial agreement needs one paragraph on what you agree with and one on what you disagree with, and the introduction must state clearly which is which. It works best when the statement itself contains two conditions, or when you genuinely think “it depends”.
| Position | When it suits | Watch out |
|---|---|---|
| Totally agree / disagree | You can quickly think of two reasons on the same side | Deal with the other side in a sentence or two, or the essay can read like a list |
| Partly agree | The statement contains two things, or you think it depends on the situation (for example, it applies to some industries but not others) | State the dividing line clearly in the introduction and again in the conclusion; don’t be vague |
For this question, “a shorter working week” would actually suit partial agreement well: it works for office jobs but not for shift-based sectors such as healthcare or retail. This essay chose total agreement, with both reasons pointing the same way, so the full structure could be written within 38 minutes. With limited time in the exam room, choosing the side you can give the most concrete reasons for is usually the safest strategy.
Self-check list and exercises
✦ Self-check after writing an Agree/Disagree essay
- Can your position sentence in the introduction be understood in one reading (totally agree / disagree / partly agree)?
- Do the topic sentences of the two body paragraphs match the two reasons previewed in the introduction?
- Does each example really prove its topic sentence? Are there any missing steps?
- Is your closing sentence an all-purpose one (such as “society becomes more competitive”)? Could you replace it with an extension specific to the question?
- Have you dealt with the other side in a sentence or two?
- Does every singular countable noun have a / the? (Especially comparative + noun.)
- Have you added an s to uncountable nouns such as productivity and information?
- Are verbs like enable, provide and agree used with the right patterns and prepositions?
- Does the same key word appear more than four times?
- In the last few minutes, did you check against your own list of “fixed small mistakes”?
Exercise 1: find the articles
Go back to the original essay above (see Part 1), find every longer weekend and shorter working week, and decide whether each needs an article. Hint: there are several, and only one of them is written correctly.
Exercise 2: add a concession
If you were arguing against a shorter working week, what would the strongest opposing argument be? Try writing two sentences with Admittedly, … . However, … .: acknowledge that the other side has a point, then explain why you still disagree.
Exercise 3: rewrite the all-purpose closing sentence
Rewrite In this situation, the competitiveness of society will increase, which positively impact the community. as an extension that only works for this question. Hint: you could approach it from the company’s angle (staff turnover, number of sick days) or the employee’s angle (work–life balance).
This essay showed me very clearly what “CC 8” looks like, and it also taught me that structure alone won’t get you to 7.5. If your criterion scores also tend to have CC or TR higher and LR and GRA stuck at 7, I suggest listing the mistakes you make again and again and checking only for those after you write. Compared with learning ten more advanced words, this has a much more direct effect on your overall score.
Further reading
- How to check your IELTS sub-scores and read the four Writing criteria (in Chinese)
- A tutor who helped me simplify my essay structure, from 400 words to 300 (in Chinese)
- My successful IDP re-mark: Writing from 6.5 to 7.0 (in Chinese; IDP is one of the organisations that run the IELTS test)
- Live marking with a former examiner: my speaking and writing lessons (in Chinese)
- IELTS study notes overview (in Chinese)
This is the last part of “Shorter Working Week, Band 7”. To start again, go back to Part 1.
IELTS Notes in English · Band Score Samples (post 15 of 19)
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Task 1 Structure · Task 2 Structure · Topic Guides · Writing Language · Band Score Samples · Practice Methods · Speaking & Study Tips
✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
← Back to IELTS notes in English
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