In this post: The shorter working week question, my original essay and its scores, and a criterion-by-criterion look at why CC reached 8 while the overall band stayed at 7.
Shorter Working Week, Band 7 · 3 parts
- 1. Question, essay and scores (you are here)
- 2. CC 8 and what held it back
- 3. Rewrites, structure and exercises
✦ In this post
I wrote this essay, Essay 32, on 20 June 2024, on a question from Cambridge IELTS 19. By then I had sent more than thirty essays to my marking teacher, and my Task 2 scores had more or less settled at 7.
The criterion scores are interesting: Coherence & Cohesion got 8 and Task Response 7–8, but Lexical Resource and Grammatical Range & Accuracy were both 7, so the overall score was still 7. In other words, the organisation was already at Band 8, but vocabulary and grammar kept the overall score where it was. This essay is useful for seeing two things: what a CC 8 paragraph actually looks like, and which seemingly small mistakes stop a well-structured essay from going higher.
The question and the background
In paraphrase, the question says: the working week should be shorter, and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?
| Item | Details |
|---|---|
| Source | Cambridge IELTS 19, Test 2 |
| Question type | Agree or disagree (you must take a position) |
| Date written | 20 June 2024 |
| Time taken | 09:40–10:18, about 38 minutes |
| Length | 317 words (my own count at the time) |
| My position | Totally agree |
| Two reasons | 1. Enough rest makes people more efficient; 2. a long weekend lets people travel further and relax, which is good for mental health |
The key to an Agree/Disagree question is that your attitude to the statement must be clear. You can agree completely, disagree completely or partly agree, but whichever you choose must hold from the introduction to the conclusion. Here I chose the most direct option, total agreement, and both body paragraphs support the same side. The advantage is a simple structure that is hard to contradict; the disadvantage is that if the reasons are not developed deeply enough, the essay reads like a list.
Scores and the original essay (unedited)
The “7–8” for TR is the range score I was given at the time, meaning that criterion fell between the two bands. Below is the version I submitted for marking, with every error kept.
The original version as submitted, unedited (20 June 2024, 317 words)
It is argued that the working week should be fewer than five days and labor in the workplace ought to enjoy a longer weekend. I totally agree with this statement because it increases workers’ efficiency and mental health.
The main reason why I believe longer weekend seems to be beneficial is that it increases workers productivity and efficiency. To be more specific, weekends are a brilliant refreshment for workers since it provides them considerable time to get a rest. It is readily apparent that workers will be more efficient and energetic after getting enough rest, leading to a higher productivity. For instance, most workers’ productivities decrease after working eight hours a day, let alone continute working for five complete days; hence, shorter working week undeniably makes those workers concentrate on their tasks and work in efficient way. In this situation, the competitiveness of society will increase, which positively impact the community.
Another factor supporting my opinion is that it enhances workers’ mental well-being. If workers enable to spend quality holiday traveling or getting closer to nature, there is no denying that they can escape from their hectic schedule in their daily life, which increases their mental health. In other words, longer weekend grants workers opportunities to engage in some outdoor activities, providing unique chances to release their pressure and keeping away from mental illness like depression. Take myself as an illustration If I wish to travel to the southern part of Taiwan, I need to have at least three day-offs due to the long distance; therefore, having longer weekend enables me to plan a travel to those far cities instead of just hanging out in my neighborhood, where does not have any natural landscape or spectacular architecture.
In conclusion, I want to reiterate my agreement of the implementation of longer weekend in the workplace. This is because shorter working week increases the productivity and enhances mental well-being of workers.
The four criteria one by one: why CC 8 but overall 7
| Criterion | Evidence in this essay | My assessment |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response 7–8 | The position sentence I totally agree with this statement is clear; each reason has an explanation and an example. | Body 1 has a jump in reasoning (an eight-hour day is tiring → so we need a four-day week), and the Body 2 example is rather personal; there is no response to the other side. These two points keep it between 7 and 8. |
| Coherence & Cohesion 8 | The two topic sentences, The main reason why … and Another factor supporting my opinion is that …, are very clear; within each paragraph, every sentence picks up the meaning of the one before. | The paragraphs progress smoothly, the linkers don’t steal the show, and reference (those workers, In this situation) is mostly clear. This meets the Band 8 description. |
| Lexical Resource 7 | hectic schedule, let alone, quality holiday and escape from are used well. | Collocation errors such as productivities, day-offs, plan a travel and agreement of, plus heavy repetition of productivity, efficiency and mental health. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy 7 | Complex structures such as let alone, If …, there is no denying that … and relative clauses. | Many missing articles (longer weekend, shorter working week), plus enable to, where does not have and a run-on sentence with no punctuation. |
What does a TR of “7–8” mean?
A range score for TR means the content already has Band 8 qualities, but some things made the examiner hesitate. Against the descriptors: Band 7 requires addressing all parts of the task, a clear position, and main ideas that are extended and supported; Band 8 requires ideas that are “sufficiently developed”: relevant, extended and well supported. The position and structure here are flawless. The hesitation is about the quality of the extension: there is a gap between the example and the conclusion in Body 1, and the personal example in Body 2 drifts further and further from the point. In other words, the essay doesn’t lack reasons; it lacks the one or two sentences that would make those reasons solid.
This is something I really want to stress: moving TR towards 8 rarely comes from “thinking of a cleverer reason”. Much more often it comes from “explaining an ordinary reason completely”. A shorter week lets people rest, and rest improves efficiency: there is nothing special about that reason, but as long as each step of cause and effect makes sense, it is enough for a high score.
Why was the overall still 7 when CC was 8?
The overall Writing score is the average of the four criteria. This essay scored 7–8, 8, 7 and 7, which averages roughly 7.25 to 7.4, and that converts to an overall 7. In other words, to get 7.5 you need at least two criteria at 8 and the other two at 7, with none dropping below 7.
This was the situation I met most often in that period: organisation and content were already solid, but LR and GRA kept stopping at 7. Looking back, most of my LR and GRA errors were “fixed small mistakes” that kept recurring, such as articles, countable and uncountable nouns, and the collocations of a few common words. These mistakes are not hard to fix; the hard part is noticing them while you write. My notes have a whole section on grammar, prepositions and singular/plural. I suggest you make a list of your own, too. In the last few minutes, check your essay against that list only; it is more efficient than rereading the whole thing from the start.
Continue reading · Part 2 of 3
IELTS Notes in English · Band Score Samples (post 15 of 19)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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