In this post: A model rewrite of the introduction and Body 1, a four-paragraph Positive/Negative structure, sentence patterns, rural and urban vocabulary, an FAQ, a self-check list and three exercises.
Rural-to-City Band 7 Sample · 3 parts
- 1. Question, essay and TR
- 2. Why it stayed at 7
- 3. Rewrite, patterns and exercises (you are here)
✦ In this post
Model rewrite: the introduction and Body 1
The two paragraphs below are versions I have rewritten now, marked “model rewrite”; they are not what I submitted for marking at the time. The aim is not to swap every word for a harder one, but to make the reasoning more precise and the examples more concrete.
Model rewrite 1: the introduction
[Model rewrite]
It is true that more and more people are leaving the countryside for cities, and rural populations are shrinking as a result. In my view, this is largely a negative development, because it drains rural areas of the workers they need and puts extra pressure on cities that are already crowded.
- Suburban areas becomes the countryside / rural populations, so the place words are now correct.
- Leaving the countryside for cities paraphrases the question instead of copying rural people are moving to cities.
- Largely negative leaves a little room, showing that I know there are some benefits but think the overall effect is negative; the position is still clear.
- The comma splice is gone, and because introduces the reasons directly.
Model rewrite 2: the first body paragraph
[Model rewrite]
The first problem is that rural migration deprives the countryside of its workforce. Farming, local construction and basic services such as clinics all depend on people being physically present, and when young adults move away, these jobs are left to an ageing population. As a result, roads go unrepaired, fields are left uncultivated and new projects are postponed because contractors cannot find enough labourers. Over time, this creates a vicious circle: the fewer opportunities a village offers, the more residents decide to leave.
This paragraph changes three things. First, the key concept changes from labor productivity to workforce / labourers: it is about not having enough people, which links more directly to rural migration. Second, the example changes from a vague “many construction projects cannot be built” to three concrete pictures: roads nobody repairs, fields nobody farms and projects that get postponed. Third, the last sentence uses the fewer …, the more … to push the argument one step further and show that this is a vicious circle. That is what the descriptors mean by “extended”.
Structures and sentence patterns you can take away
A four-paragraph structure for Positive/Negative questions
| Paragraph | What to do | The matching part of this essay |
|---|---|---|
| Introduction | Paraphrase the question + state your position + preview two reasons | It is true that … I firmly believe that this is a negative development … |
| Body 1 | Reason 1: topic sentence → explanation → example → link back to your position | Labour shortages in the countryside stall development |
| Body 2 | Reason 2 (a different affected group): the same four steps | Overcrowded cities and a rising cost of living |
| Conclusion | Restate your position + summarise both reasons in different words | … poses a threat to the society. This is because … |
Sentence patterns to take away
It is true that … . In my view, this is largely a positive / negative development, because it not only … but also … .
Once …, … is likely to …, which in turn hinders … .
When …, … ; as a result, … .
Over time, this creates a vicious circle: the fewer …, the more … .
…, all of which prevents … from achieving long-term … .
Useful words for rural and urban topics (including the ones I got wrong)
| Meaning | Suggested words | Watch out |
|---|---|---|
| The countryside | rural areas, the countryside (uncountable, used with the) | Don’t write countrysides; suburban means the edge of a city |
| Cities | cities, urban areas, metropolitan areas | Metropolitan on its own is an adjective |
| Moving | migrate, move, relocate, rural-to-urban migration | Immigrate / emigrate are for moving between countries |
| A falling population | rural populations are shrinking / declining | The number of populations is wrong |
| Not enough workers | labour shortages, a shortage of workers | Don’t mix this up with productivity |
| Living costs | the cost of living, housing costs | Don’t write the life costing |
FAQ
| Question | My view |
|---|---|
| Can I write about only one side in a Positive/Negative question? | Yes. The question asks whether you think it is good or bad, so giving reasons for one side only is completely reasonable. What matters is that your position is clear and consistent. If you want to sound more mature, use largely or on the whole in the introduction, or acknowledge the other side in one sentence in a body paragraph and then explain why you still hold your view. |
| Can I write one paragraph for each side? | You can, but the conclusion must say which side is stronger, or you have not answered the question. One paragraph per side is closer to an Outweigh essay, and it is harder to control the length. |
| Do I have to include data or research? | No. Concrete everyday examples (commuting times, rent, a type of job nobody will do) are enough, and they are safer than data you are not sure about. |
| Do I need a background sentence in the introduction? | My habit is one sentence paraphrasing the question and one stating my position: two sentences are enough. When time is short, keep the introduction brief and save your words for the explanations and examples in the body paragraphs. |
Self-check list and exercises
✦ Self-check after writing a Positive/Negative essay
- Does the introduction have one clear position sentence (positive / negative / largely …)?
- Is the position in the conclusion the same as in the introduction? Is it restated in different words?
- Do the “labels” of your two body paragraphs belong to different categories (countryside / cities, individuals / society)?
- Is the first sentence of each body paragraph a topic sentence? Can you understand the whole paragraph from the first sentence alone?
- After each reason, did you go one step further (long-term effects, why it is serious)?
- Are you sure about any figures or studies you cite? If not, change them to a general description.
- Does the “; hence,” / “; therefore,” pattern appear more than once in a paragraph?
- Have you joined two complete sentences with just a comma?
- Have you used countable and uncountable nouns such as population, food and the countryside correctly?
- Have you overused definitely, undoubtedly and absolutely?
Exercise 1: correct the errors
Try to correct the five sentences below (all from the original essay). The answers follow.
- It is true that the number of populations in the suburban areas is decreasing.
- I firmly believe that this is a negative development, this is because it not only reduces …
- A wide range of construction plans in the countryside are not able to be built.
- When a lot of rural people move to cities, overcrowded population happens.
- When the population in cities or metropolitans increased 10%, …
Suggested answers
1. It is true that rural populations are decreasing. 2. … a negative development because it not only reduces … 3. Many construction projects in the countryside cannot go ahead. 4. … cities become overcrowded. 5. When the population in cities or metropolitan areas increased by 10%, …
Exercise 2: argue the other side
If you wanted to argue that this is a positive development, which two different groups could you use to divide your reasons? First write two labels (for example, “the people who move” and “the national economy”), then write one topic sentence for each. Afterwards, check: do the two sentences have different subjects? If both start with people, they probably overlap.
Exercise 3: a timed rewrite
Give yourself 12 minutes to rewrite only the second body paragraph (quality of life in cities). Rules: no named study and no exact figures; instead use an everyday picture you can imagine (commuting, rent, queues) as your example, and add a final sentence about the long-term effect. When you finish, check it against the list above.
This essay’s score is not especially high, but it was the first time I felt what it is like to have all four criteria on solid ground. My later 7.5 essays were really built on this foundation, adding one criterion at a time. If you are currently around 6.5, I suggest mastering the four-paragraph structure from this essay first, and only then chasing better vocabulary.
Further reading
- How to check your IELTS sub-scores and read the four Writing criteria (in Chinese)
- A tutor who helped me simplify my essay structure, from 400 words to 300 (in Chinese)
- My successful IDP re-mark: Writing from 6.5 to 7.0 (in Chinese; IDP is one of the organisations that run the IELTS test)
- Live marking with a former examiner: my speaking and writing lessons (in Chinese)
- IELTS study notes overview (in Chinese)
This is the last part of “Rural-to-City Band 7 Sample”. To start again, go back to Part 1.
IELTS Notes in English · Band Score Samples (post 14 of 19)
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Task 1 Structure · Task 2 Structure · Topic Guides · Writing Language · Band Score Samples · Practice Methods · Speaking & Study Tips
✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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