In this post: Rewrites of both body paragraphs, an ideas bank for both sides with sentence patterns and a Task 1 vs Task 2 language table, and a self-check list with three practice tasks.
Global Food in Supermarkets, Band 7.5 · 3 parts
- 1. Question, essay and scores
- 2. What worked and what held it back
- 3. Rewrites, ideas bank and practice (you are here)
✦ In this post
6. Rewrite examples: both body paragraphs
Below are versions I have rewritten now. They are marked “Rewrite” and are not what I submitted at the time. The focus: remove always, replace the uncertain example, fix the passives, and turn the Task 1 language back into normal essay language.
Rewrite 1: Body paragraph 1
[Rewrite]
The primary reason I consider this a negative development is the environmental cost of transporting food over long distances. Products that are flown or shipped from the other side of the world require large amounts of fuel, and the carbon dioxide released along the way contributes to global warming. By contrast, food grown locally travels only a short distance from farm to shop. Therefore, when consumers choose imported products over local ones, they often increase their carbon footprint without realising it.
- always results in pollution becomes a direct description of the cost of transport, with no need for an absolute adverb.
- a number of fuels or coals becomes large amounts of fuel, and will release becomes the passive released.
- However becomes By contrast, which expresses a contrast more precisely than a turn in the argument.
- The final sentence keeps Therefore but uses carbon footprint to say it differently, instead of repeating pollution.
Rewrite 2: Body paragraph 2
[Rewrite]
Another reason is that cheap imports can put local farmers under serious pressure. The demand for food in any country is limited, so every imported product that ends up in a shopping basket replaces something that could have been grown at home. When imported goods are produced with cheaper labour and land, domestic producers often cannot match their prices. For example, if supermarkets fill their shelves with low-cost imported fruit, local orchards may lose their regular buyers, and rural communities that depend on farming lose an important source of income. Hence, the wide availability of foreign food can weaken the local economy.
This paragraph keeps the best parts of the original: the “limited demand” mechanism and the reason that imports cost less to produce. What changes is the example: instead of “a certain country’s rice since a certain year”, which would need checking, it uses “cheap imported fruit makes local orchards lose their buyers”, which anyone can picture, and it extends the effect to “rural communities that depend on farming”. In addition, factories becomes farmers and orchards, so the wording fits the situation, and the witness an upward trend sentence is rewritten as domestic producers often cannot match their prices.
7. Ideas bank and sentence patterns
Ideas bank for this question, both sides
Here are the ideas I collected for both sides. You don’t need to use them all in the exam; pick the two for which you can write a complete causal chain.
| Position | Idea | How to extend it |
|---|---|---|
| Negative | Transport causes carbon emissions (food miles) | Long-haul air freight, refrigerated transport → fuel → global warming |
| Negative | Local farmers and food businesses suffer | Limited demand → price competition → lower income → rural economic decline |
| Negative | Food culture becomes more uniform | Supermarkets all sell the same international products → traditional ingredients and dishes are neglected |
| Positive | More choice and a more balanced diet | All kinds of fruit and vegetables available all year round → a more varied diet |
| Positive | A more stable food supply | Imports can make up for a poor local harvest → prices don’t soar |
| Positive | Cultural exchange | Contact with ingredients from other countries → more willingness to learn about other cultures |
Sentence patterns to take away
Nowadays, consumers in many countries can easily buy food from all over the world. I firmly believe that this is a negative development because it not only … but also … .
The primary reason I consider this a negative development is … .
By contrast, if …, … .
Since the demand for … is limited, … .
Therefore / Hence, … can weaken / damage / threaten … .
In conclusion, I reiterate that … is a negative development, as it not only … but also … .
Task 1 language vs Task 2 language
| Common in Task 1 (describing charts) | More natural in Task 2 |
|---|---|
| witness an upward trend | increase, grow, become more intense |
| reach a peak | be at its most serious |
| account for the largest proportion | make up most of, dominate |
| remain stable | stay the same, show little change |
FAQ
| Question | My view |
|---|---|
| Is it easier to get a high score by writing “positive” for this question? | No. The score depends on the quality of the argument, not the position. Choose the side for which you can write two complete causal chains. |
| Can I use examples from my own country (in my case, Taiwan)? | Yes, and it is quite natural. But choose things you are sure of, or write them as a hypothetical situation; if you are not sure of specific years and figures, leave them out. |
| Does every paragraph need a However contrast? | No. A contrast sentence is a bonus, not a requirement. If you are short of words or time, first make sure the topic sentence, explanation, example and wrap-up are all there. |
| Does the conclusion need to suggest solutions? | Not for this question, which only asks whether it is good or bad. Restate your position and the two reasons; adding new suggestions may take you off topic. |
8. Self-check list and practice
✦ Self-check after writing a Positive/Negative essay
- ☐ Does my introduction have a clear position sentence? Does my conclusion restate it in different words?
- ☐ Do my two reasons affect different groups (for example, the environment and the economy)?
- ☐ Is each reason a complete causal chain rather than a single sentence?
- ☐ Are there over-absolute words like always, never, all or the whole?
- ☐ Is my example a historical fact that would need checking? If I’m not sure, turn it into a hypothetical example.
- ☐ Does the wording of my example fit the situation? (Rice is grown by farmers, not produced in factories.)
- ☐ Has any Task 1 chart language crept in?
- ☐ Have I added an s to uncountable nouns like pollution, fuel and food?
- ☐ Have I used active and passive correctly with verbs like deteriorate and release?
- ☐ Does each body paragraph end with a wrap-up sentence that doesn’t simply copy the topic sentence?
Practice 1: remove always
Rewrite imported food always results in pollution due to a long flight or shipment as a sentence that is not absolute but still convincing. Hint: you could use often or in many cases, or say which kind of imported food you mean (for example, fresh food that is flown in).
Practice 2: write a positive paragraph
Choose one “positive” idea from the ideas bank above and write a complete body paragraph: topic sentence → explanation → hypothetical example → a wrap-up starting with Therefore. Then check that you haven’t used always or any figures that would need checking.
Practice 3: catch the Task 1 language
Take your last three Task 2 essays and search for witness, trend, peak and proportion. If any appear, decide whether they are natural in that sentence, and if not, rewrite them using the table above.
This essay showed me that once your score goes up, what holds back your language scores is often not words you don’t know but words used in the wrong place: a chart phrase carried into an essay, an adverb that is too absolute, or an example you are not sure of yourself. These are all things you can catch by reading back over your work, and they are worth a minute or two of checking in every essay.
Further reading
- How to check your IELTS criterion scores and read the four writing sub-scores (in Chinese)
- My tutor Ali: simplifying my essay structure and cutting from 400 to 300 words (in Chinese)
- My successful IDP re-mark: writing from 6.5 to 7.0 (in Chinese)
- Lessons with Farid, a former examiner: live feedback on speaking and writing (in Chinese)
- All my IELTS preparation notes (in Chinese)
This is the last part of “Global Food in Supermarkets, Band 7.5”. To start again, go back to Part 1.
IELTS Notes in English · Band Score Samples (post 17 of 19)
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Task 1 Structure · Task 2 Structure · Topic Guides · Writing Language · Band Score Samples · Practice Methods · Speaking & Study Tips
✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
← Back to IELTS notes in English
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