In this post: The two-question prompt about owning a home, my essay exactly as submitted, and why it scored TR 8, CC 8, LR 7 and GRA 8, criterion by criterion.
Owning a Home, Band 7.5 · 3 parts
- 1. Question, essay and scores (you are here)
- 2. GRA 8 sentences and LR slips
- 3. Rewrites, structure and practice
✦ In this post
I wrote this essay (Essay 41) on 29 June 2024, on a question from Cambridge IELTS 15, Test 1. Out of the fifty or so essays I wrote in that period, only a few scored 8 for GRA (grammar), and this is one of the Task 2 essays that did. The criterion scores were TR 8, CC 8, LR 7 and GRA 8, for an overall 7.5.
I want to use this essay to talk about two things. The first is how to write a two-question essay: the prompt asks two questions at once, and many people only answer one of them properly. The second is the contrast between GRA 8 and LR 7: this essay’s control of sentence structure is very steady, but one wrongly written word turns the meaning of a whole sentence into its opposite. It is a tiny error, but it is the best example of why LR did not reach 8 along with GRA.
1. The question and background
The question in brief: in some countries, owning your own home (rather than renting) is very important to people. It asks two questions: first, why might this be the case? Second, is this a positive or a negative situation?
| Item | Details |
|---|---|
| Source | Cambridge IELTS 15, Test 1 |
| Question type | Two questions: reasons + positive or negative |
| Date written | 29 June 2024 |
| Length | About 320 words |
| Answer to question 1 | Renting is expensive (because of government policy); a home signals social status (traditional Taiwanese ideas about marriage) |
| Answer to question 2 | Negative: it is unfair to the younger generation; it widens the gap between rich and poor |
The key to a two-question essay is this: answer both questions, ideally one question per paragraph. This essay is laid out in the standard way: Body 1 answers “why”, and Body 2 answers “good or bad”. The introduction previews both tasks, and the conclusion gives each answer once more. The examiner does not have to search at all to see where each question is answered.
My plan before writing
My notes still contain the plan I wrote before starting this essay. Roughly: reason 1, the cost of renting is a financial burden (instability, taxes); reason 2, a home is a symbol of social status (traditional culture, marriage); negative 1, unfair to the younger generation; negative 2, a wider gap between rich and poor → family background becomes important → unfairness.
You can see that already at the planning stage I had decided on “one question per paragraph, two points per paragraph”, and I had thought of an example or a direction to develop for each point. Writing was then just a matter of expanding the plan into sentences, which is why the paragraph structure is so steady. I recommend spending 3–5 minutes in the exam on this kind of keyword plan: no full sentences, just keywords for your points and examples, with arrows showing cause and effect. Those few minutes mean you don’t have to work out your next step while you write, and your CC becomes more stable as a result.
2. Scores and the original essay (unedited)
The average of the four scores is 7.75, and the overall band is 7.5. Below is the version I submitted for marking, with every error left in.
The original as submitted for marking, unedited (29 June 2024, about 320 words)
It is extremely significant for residents to purchase houses instead of renting others’ houses in some nations. The purpose of this essay is to analysis potential reasons of this phenomenon and explain the reason why I consider this is an adverse development.
There are two reasons why owning houses is important in specific nations. The primary one is that the fee to rent a house might pose a financial burden for individuals. In some countries, the tax or payments of renting houses may be incredibly expensive due to the policy implemented by the authorities, especially in those countries which always motivate individuals to own their poverty. Another factor is that houses sometimes represent the social status. Take traditional Taiwanese culture as an example. If a boy in humble background wants to marry a girl from rich family, there is no denying that he needs to prepare a house first to prove his financial capability. Therefore, having houses is so important for some Taiwanese people to show off their status and the level of wealth.
However, I firmly believe that this is a negative development. First and foremost, this situation is unfriendly to younger generation. Since the prices of houses are too high for youngsters to afford, it is difficult for them to buy houses when they are still rookies or freshmen in the workplace. Secondly, this situation will increase the gap between rich and poor in the community. When having a house is important, the importance of family backgrounds will be overemphasized simultaneously, further leading to unfairness. After this happens, the development of a nation will decrease since people stop working hard and only want to rely on their parents.
In conclusion, having a house is indispensable in some nations because of costly rental fees and evidence of financial status. It is my opinion that this is a negative development because it is unfair to youngsters and people from humble backgrounds.
As you read, pay special attention to the last word of the third sentence in the second paragraph. If you spot the problem straight away, your sensitivity to vocabulary is very good; if not, section 5 (see Part 2) explains it.
3. Why this essay got 7.5: criterion by criterion
| Criterion | Evidence in this essay | My assessment |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response 8 | The introduction previews “analyse the reasons + explain why it is negative”; Body 1 gives two reasons and Body 2 two negative effects; the conclusion answers each question once. | Both questions are fully answered and the ideas are developed; the reasoning behind the first reason is a little weak, and the end of Body 2 makes a jump. |
| Coherence & Cohesion 8 | There are two reasons why … The primary one … Another factor … / First and foremost … Secondly … | Clear division of labour between paragraphs and smooth progression within them; only the However at the start of Body 2 is not quite precise. |
| Lexical Resource 7 | humble background, financial capability, show off, the gap between rich and poor, overemphasized. | poverty (should be property) reverses the meaning; freshmen in the workplace and development … will decrease are unnatural; houses is repeated too often. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy 8 | Conditionals, reason clauses, too … to …, the passive and When …, … will be … are all used correctly. | Most sentences are structurally correct; the errors are mostly small ones with articles and prepositions that don’t affect understanding. |
Task Response 8: two questions, two paragraphs
Roughly, the TR 8 descriptor says the response sufficiently addresses all parts of the task with well-developed ideas. Here, “all parts” means the two questions. The second sentence of the introduction, The purpose of this essay is to analysis potential reasons of this phenomenon and explain the reason why I consider this is an adverse development, has grammar errors, but functionally it previews both tasks and states the answer to the second question (negative) straight away.
The second reason in Body 1 is especially well written. It uses a traditional Taiwanese attitude as an example: “if a young man from an ordinary family wants to marry a woman from a wealthy family, he is usually expected to prepare a home first to prove his financial capability”. The example is concrete, has cultural background, and directly supports the point that a home represents social status. It is one of the keys to this essay’s TR 8.
Both negative effects in Body 2 are developed, too. The first, “unfair to young people”, gives a reason (house prices are too high for people who have just started work to afford); the second, “a wider gap between rich and poor”, has a chain: owning a home is important → family background is overemphasised → unfairness.
Coherence & Cohesion 8: a very clear division between paragraphs
The CC 8 descriptor says, roughly, that information is sequenced logically, all aspects of cohesion are managed well and paragraphing is appropriate. It is almost impossible to misread how the paragraphs divide the work here. Body 1 opens with There are two reasons why owning houses is important in specific nations and Body 2 with However, I firmly believe that this is a negative development, so the reader knows at a glance which question each paragraph answers. Inside each paragraph, The primary one / Another factor and First and foremost / Secondly mark the two points, so the structure is clear at a glance.
The only thing to criticise is the However at the start of Body 2. However signals a turn or a contrast, but Body 1 is about reasons and Body 2 is an evaluation; they are not opposites. A more precise opening would be As for whether this is a positive or negative situation, …, which says directly “now I am answering the second question”. It is a small point, but it shows whether your linking words are precise.
Continue reading · Part 2 of 3
IELTS Notes in English · Band Score Samples (post 18 of 19)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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