In this post: What GRA 8 sentences look like in this essay, then the one-word slip that reversed a sentence's meaning, other word-choice problems, repetition and two small weaknesses in TR.
Owning a Home, Band 7.5 · 3 parts
- 1. Question, essay and scores
- 2. GRA 8 sentences and LR slips (you are here)
- 3. Rewrites, structure and practice
✦ In this post
4. What GRA 8 sentences look like
Roughly, the GRA 8 descriptor says a wide range of structures is used, the majority of sentences are error-free, and there are only very occasional errors or inappropriacies. What struck me about this essay is that its sentences are not especially long and it doesn’t use deliberately difficult grammar, but almost every structure it uses is correct. Here are a few examples.
| Original sentence | Structure | Why it works |
|---|---|---|
| If a boy in humble background wants to marry a girl from rich family, there is no denying that he needs to prepare a house first to prove his financial capability. | Conditional + there is no denying that + infinitive of purpose | Three layers, consistent tenses, clear logic (apart from small preposition and article errors) |
| Since the prices of houses are too high for youngsters to afford, it is difficult for them to buy houses when they are still rookies or freshmen in the workplace. | Since reason clause + too … to … + dummy subject it + when clause | Four structures in one sentence, all correct |
| When having a house is important, the importance of family backgrounds will be overemphasized simultaneously, further leading to unfairness. | Gerund subject + passive + participle clause | The passive and the participle clause are both used naturally |
| In some countries, the tax or payments of renting houses may be incredibly expensive due to the policy implemented by the authorities, … | Past participle as a modifier (implemented by) | A participle replaces a relative clause, making the sentence more concise |
Compared with my earlier GRA 7 essays, the biggest difference is not harder structures but fewer errors, and simpler types of error. Most of the grammar errors in this essay are small ones with articles, prepositions and word forms (for example to analysis, consider this is, from rich family), while the sentence structures themselves are almost all correct. Reading it, the examiner gets the impression that this writer’s grammatical control is very steady, and that is the impression of a band 8.
Why GRA 8 but only LR 7?
Many people assume grammar and vocabulary are the same thing, but the band descriptors separate them clearly. GRA looks at sentence structure: tenses, active and passive, clauses, articles, singular and plural and so on. LR looks at word choice: whether the meaning is right, whether collocations are natural, whether the range is wide enough and whether the spelling is correct.
The sentence structures in this essay are almost all correct, so GRA could reach 8. But on the vocabulary side, poverty means the opposite of what I intended, freshmen in the workplace is used in the wrong context, development will decrease is an unnatural collocation, and houses is repeated too many times; all of these count under LR. In other words, the essay’s grammatical skeleton is steady, but its word choice is not yet precise enough. It is also a reminder not to correct only grammar errors when you practise: collocation and context need checking just as much, and they usually improve only through reading more model essays and looking things up in a collocation dictionary.
| What it covers | GRA (grammar) | LR (vocabulary) |
|---|---|---|
| Examples in this essay | consider this is, a girl from rich family (article) | poverty, freshmen, development will decrease |
| What band 8 needs | Most sentences error-free, a variety of structures | Precise word choice, natural collocations, flexible paraphrasing |
| How to practise | List the grammar error types you make most often and check each one after writing | Look up collocations and build your own table of synonyms and alternatives |
5. What kept it from 8: word choice in LR and jumps in reasoning
One word, the opposite meaning
The third sentence of Body 1 ends with especially in those countries which always motivate individuals to own their poverty. I meant to write property (real estate, possessions), but I wrote poverty (being poor). The sentence changes from “encourage people to own their own property” to “encourage people to own their own poverty”, the exact opposite.
In LR, this kind of error is a word-choice error that affects meaning, which is more serious than an ordinary unnatural collocation. The examiner can probably guess what I meant from the context, but once an error like this appears, it is hard to give LR 8. Property and poverty are spelled very similarly, and when your hand moves faster than your brain, mistakes happen. My advice: after writing, check specifically for words that look alike: property/poverty, affect/effect, lose/loose, quite/quiet, economic/economical.
Other word-choice problems
| Original | Problem | Suggested version |
|---|---|---|
| It is extremely significant for residents to purchase houses instead of renting others’ houses | significant leans towards “notable”; renting others’ houses is wordy | owning a home rather than renting is considered very important |
| to analysis potential reasons of this phenomenon | analysis is a noun; reasons goes with for | to analyse the potential reasons for this phenomenon |
| explain the reason why I consider this is an adverse development | Sentence pattern with consider; the reason why is wordy | explain why I consider this a negative situation |
| the fee to rent a house | The word for this is simply rent | the cost of renting / high rents |
| own their poverty | The opposite meaning | own their property / own their own homes |
| a boy in humble background | Preposition + article | a young man from a humble background |
| a girl from rich family | Missing article | a woman from a wealthy family |
| unfriendly to younger generation | Missing article | unfair to the younger generation |
| rookies or freshmen in the workplace | freshman usually means a first-year university (or high school) student | new to the workforce / at the start of their careers |
| the development of a nation will decrease | development doesn’t decrease | national development will slow down |
Repetition: too many houses
house / houses appears more than ten times in this essay. Keywords from the question will naturally be repeated, but for LR 8 it helps to prepare a few alternatives and rotate them:
| Original | Alternatives |
|---|---|
| owning houses | home ownership, owning property, getting on the property ladder |
| houses | homes, flats / apartments, property, real estate |
| renting houses | renting, being a tenant, living in rented accommodation |
| prices of houses | house prices, property prices, housing costs |
Two small weaknesses in TR
The reasoning behind the first reason, “renting is expensive”, is a little weak. The original says that in some countries, because of government policy, the taxes or costs of renting are high, but it does not explain why expensive renting makes owning a home important. One added sentence, “paying rent is money spent, while paying a mortgage builds up an asset”, would complete the cause and effect.
The last sentence of Body 2, After this happens, the development of a nation will decrease since people stop working hard and only want to rely on their parents., is a big jump. It goes straight from “family background is valued” to “everyone stops working hard, relies on their parents, and national development declines”, with nothing in between, and it also overgeneralises. A safer approach would be to stop at “this makes a person’s housing depend on their family background rather than their effort”, and just make the unfairness clear.
Continue reading · Part 3 of 3
IELTS Notes in English · Band Score Samples (post 18 of 19)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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