In this post: Rewrites of both body paragraphs, the four-paragraph structure and sentence patterns for two-question essays, and a self-check list with practice tasks.
Owning a Home, Band 7.5 · 3 parts
- 1. Question, essay and scores
- 2. GRA 8 sentences and LR slips
- 3. Rewrites, structure and practice (you are here)
✦ In this post
6. Rewrite examples: both body paragraphs
Below are versions I have rewritten now. They are marked “Rewrite” and are not what I submitted at the time.
Rewrite 1: Body 1 (answering “why”)
[Rewrite]
There are two main reasons why home ownership matters so much in some countries. The first is financial. In places where rents are high and tenants have little protection, paying rent can feel like pouring money away, whereas mortgage repayments gradually turn into an asset that can be passed on to the next generation. The second reason is cultural. In traditional Taiwanese society, for example, owning a home is often seen as proof of stability, and a young man from a humble background may be expected to buy a flat before marrying, to show that he can support a family. In such societies, a house is not just a place to live but a symbol of social status.
- The first reason now adds “rent is money spent, a mortgage builds an asset”, completing the causal chain.
- The sentence with poverty is rewritten, so the problem disappears.
- The original’s best example, the Taiwanese marriage custom, is kept, with the prepositions and articles in in humble background and from rich family corrected.
- The final sentence uses not just … but … to name “social status” and close the paragraph.
Rewrite 2: Body 2 (answering “good or bad”)
[Rewrite]
As for whether this is a positive or negative situation, I believe the drawbacks are more significant. First, it puts enormous pressure on young people. With property prices far beyond what most new graduates can afford, those at the start of their careers may feel that they have failed simply because they cannot buy a home. Secondly, this attitude can widen the gap between the rich and the poor. Young people from wealthy families can buy property with their parents’ help, while those from ordinary backgrounds may spend decades saving for a deposit. As a result, a person’s housing situation comes to depend more on family background than on effort, which is fundamentally unfair.
This paragraph changes three things. First, the opening However becomes As for whether this is a positive or negative situation, clearly signalling “now I am answering the second question”. Second, rookies or freshmen becomes those at the start of their careers, which suits the workplace context better. Third, the jump to “everyone stops working hard and national development declines” is cut and replaced with a contrast, “young people from wealthy families get help from their parents, while ordinary people may spend decades saving for a deposit”, to explain the unfairness. The argument is much more solid.
7. Two-question essays: structure and sentence patterns
The four-paragraph structure for two-question essays
| Paragraph | What it does | In this essay |
|---|---|---|
| Introduction | Paraphrase the question + preview your answers to both questions (give the answer to Q2 directly) | The purpose of this essay is to analyse … and explain why I consider … |
| Body 1 | Answer question 1: two reasons, each with an explanation or example | Renting is expensive; a home signals social status |
| Body 2 | Answer question 2: your position + two reasons | Negative: unfair to young people; widens the rich–poor gap |
| Conclusion | Answer each question in one sentence | … because of costly rental fees and evidence of financial status. It is my opinion that … |
Sentence patterns to take away
In some countries, … is considered very important. This essay will examine the reasons for this and explain why I believe it is a positive / negative situation.
There are two main reasons why … . The first is … . The second reason is … .
As for whether this is a positive or negative situation, I believe … .
First, … . Secondly, … . As a result, … .
In conclusion, … because … and … . However, I believe this is a negative situation, as … .
Common two-question combinations
| Combination | Body 1 | Body 2 |
|---|---|---|
| Reasons + positive or negative | Why this happens (two reasons) | Good or bad + two reasons |
| Reasons + solutions | Why this happens | What can be done |
| Problems + solutions | What problems it causes | How they can be solved |
| Causes + effects | Why it happens | What effects it has |
Whichever combination you get, the principles are the same: one question per paragraph, a preview in the introduction, and each question answered once in the conclusion. If you do those three things, you have the foundation for TR and CC.
FAQ
| Question | My view |
|---|---|
| How many reasons should I give for the first question? | Two is ideal. One is too thin; with three or more, none of them can be developed in depth and the paragraph easily turns into a list. |
| Do I have to take a side on the second question? | If the question asks “positive or negative”, you have to answer it. You can say “largely negative”, but you can’t just list pros and cons without giving a view. |
| Should both questions get the same amount of space? | Roughly equal is fine. In this essay Body 1 and Body 2 are about the same length, so the examiner feels both questions were taken seriously. |
| Can I use examples from my own culture (in my case, Taiwan)? | Yes, they work very well. The marriage-and-home example in this essay comes from a traditional Taiwanese attitude, and it is concrete and convincing. Just present it as “a common situation in traditional thinking”, not as something true of everyone. |
8. Self-check list and practice
✦ Self-check after writing a two-question essay
- ☐ How many questions does the prompt ask? Does each one get a whole paragraph in my essay?
- ☐ Does my introduction preview which questions I will answer?
- ☐ Does my conclusion give the answer to each question once more?
- ☐ Is the linking word at the start of Body 2 really a contrast? If not, don’t use However.
- ☐ Is the causal chain for each reason complete? Is a step missing?
- ☐ Do I jump from something small straight to a huge conclusion like “national development” or “the collapse of society”?
- ☐ Have I mixed up any look-alike words (property/poverty, affect/effect)?
- ☐ Is a keyword from the question (house, home) repeated too often?
- ☐ Have I checked articles and prepositions specifically? (Almost all the small grammar errors in this essay were of this kind.)
Practice 1: find the look-alike words
For each pair below, write down the meaning of both words, then write a sentence with each: property / poverty, affect / effect, economic / economical, lose / loose, adapt / adopt. If you are unsure about any pair, add it to your own checklist.
Practice 2: change the combination
Change the second question to “How can governments help young people who want to buy a home?” and rewrite Body 2. Hint: choose two of three directions: social housing, cheaper loans for first-time buyers, and stronger protection for tenants.
Practice 3: complete the cause and effect
The first reason in the original is “in some countries, government policy makes renting expensive”. Add one or two sentences explaining why expensive renting makes owning a home important. Then compare your version with Rewrite 1 above.
This essay showed me very clearly that LR and GRA are two different things: getting your sentence structures right does not mean your vocabulary is problem-free. One poverty won’t make an essay hard to understand, but it is enough to keep LR at 7. If your GRA is already steady, your next step could be to focus on whether every word is really the word you meant.
Further reading
- How to check your IELTS criterion scores and read the four writing sub-scores (in Chinese)
- My tutor Ali: simplifying my essay structure and cutting from 400 to 300 words (in Chinese)
- My successful IDP re-mark: writing from 6.5 to 7.0 (in Chinese)
- Lessons with Farid, a former examiner: live feedback on speaking and writing (in Chinese)
- All my IELTS preparation notes (in Chinese)
This is the last part of “Owning a Home, Band 7.5”. To start again, go back to Part 1.
IELTS Notes in English · Band Score Samples (post 18 of 19)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
← Back to IELTS notes in English
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