In this post: two of my strongest paragraphs (CC 8 and Band 7.5), a worked paragraph on satisfaction vs security, common mistakes in work essays and three practice questions.
Work and Careers · 3 parts
- 1. Questions, security and self-employment
- 2. Hours, collocations and two breakdowns
- 3. Top paragraphs, mistakes and practice (you are here)
✦ In this post
4. Breaking down my own paragraphs: what separates Band 6 from 7.5 (continued)
Breakdown 3: a shorter working week (Cam19-2, agree): what a CC 8 paragraph looks like
Original: second body paragraph
Another factor supporting my opinion is that it enhances workers’ mental well-being. If workers enable to spend quality holiday traveling or getting closer to nature, there is no denying that they can escape from their hectic schedule in their daily life, which increases their mental health. In other words, longer weekend grants workers opportunities to engage in some outdoor activities, providing unique chances to release their pressure and keeping away from mental illness like depression. Take myself as an illustration If I wish to travel to the southern part of Taiwan, I need to have at least three day-offs due to the long distance; therefore, having longer weekend enables me to plan a travel to those far cities instead of just hanging out in my neighborhood, where does not have any natural landscape or spectacular architecture.
What works: this paragraph scored CC 8 because every sentence moves forward: a longer break → time to travel and get closer to nature → relief from stress → protection from depression → my own example proving that “I need three days off to get to southern Taiwan”. The example is real, concrete and matches the argument exactly.
What could be improved: “If workers enable to” should be “are able to”; “Take myself as an illustration” needs a full stop after it; “day-offs” should be “days off”; and “where does not have” should be “which does not have”. The content is all there; the marks were lost on small things.
The full analysis is in the Band 7 sample on a shorter working week.
Breakdown 4: competition or cooperation (Cam19-1, discuss both views): the other-view paragraph of a Band 7.5 essay
Original: the other-view paragraph
However, the option of cooperating with each other is attractive for some reason. First and foremost, cooperating together combines various ideas, providing better outcomes and diverse thoughts. For instance, when a team conducts some project together, their discussion includes different topics and views from a wide range of majors, which can definitely make the project more special and well-established. Furthermore, cooperation boosts a sense of belonging for every member in a team, further enhancing mental well-being. By cooperating with classmates or colleagues, individuals find that they are part of their teams, which lowers the possibility of getting mental illness like depression.
What works: this is the “other view” paragraph I am happiest with in all my discuss-both-views essays. Many people write the other view briefly and half-heartedly, but this paragraph is as complete as the one for my own side: two reasons, each with an explanation and an example. The opening “However” and the topic sentence clearly signal “now we are switching to the other side”, which is a striking contrast with the essay in Breakdown 1.
What could be improved: “cooperating together” is redundant (cooperate already means doing something together); “more special and well-established” is vague, and more creative and thorough fits better; “for some reason” should be “for some reasons”, or better, “for several reasons”.
5. Worked example: job satisfaction vs job security
Below is a new demonstration paragraph I wrote for the question “Is job satisfaction more important than job security?”. The position is partial agreement: satisfaction matters, but only once basic security is in place. This kind of “conditional position” works well for work questions, because it is realistic and makes it easy to write with depth.
Demonstration (body paragraph, about 130 words)
[Point] Admittedly, job satisfaction matters, but I believe it only becomes a priority once a basic level of security has been achieved. [Explanation] People who are worried about paying their rent or supporting their parents cannot afford to leave a stable position simply because the work is uninspiring. [Extension] For them, a predictable salary is what makes long-term plans, such as buying a home or raising children, possible at all. [Example] For example, a young graduate with student loans may reasonably accept a routine office job for several years, and only later move to a more fulfilling but less secure career. [Close] In other words, security and satisfaction are not opposites; for most people, the first is the foundation that allows them to pursue the second.
The key to this paragraph is the last sentence: it doesn’t just repeat the position, it makes the relationship between the two ideas clear (security is the foundation for pursuing satisfaction). What the examiner sees is not only “I agree” but how you think about the issue.
| Paragraph | Content (demonstration outline) |
|---|---|
| Introduction | Paraphrase the question: some people think satisfaction matters more than security. Position: partly agree; satisfaction matters, but it rests on basic security. |
| Body 1 | Why satisfaction matters: people who like their work stay committed and perform better (Point 1). |
| Body 2 | Security comes first: the demonstration paragraph above (an extension of Point 2). |
| Conclusion | The two are not opposites: first secure stability, then gradually pursue satisfaction. |
6. Common mistakes in work essays
| Common mistake | Why it is wrong | How to fix it |
|---|---|---|
| The topic sentence and paragraph content point in opposite directions | The problem in Breakdown 1 (see Part 2): it says “disadvantageous” but lists advantages | After writing each paragraph, reread the topic sentence and check that both point the same way |
| Turning a discuss-both-views question into an advantages/disadvantages essay | The question asks about two views, not advantages and disadvantages | Keep “some people believe… others think…” when you paraphrase the question |
| Mixing up job and work | “job” is countable (a position); “work” is uncountable (the activity) | find a job, look for work; never write “a work” |
| Not distinguishing salary, income and wage | A salary is paid monthly, a wage hourly or weekly, and income means earnings in general | Use income, not salary, for self-employed people |
| day-offs | The fixed phrase is days off | take three days off |
| Adding s to staff | When staff means all the employees, it usually takes no s | hire more staff; one employee is a staff member |
| Only writing from the employee’s point of view | Questions on a shorter week or working from home also need the employer’s and society’s view | Give at least one argument about company costs or the impact on society |
| Leaving “not” out of a key sentence | “do have ability” in the self-employment essay says the opposite | Spend the last two minutes checking negatives and tenses |
7. Practice questions (with suggested outlines)
Practice 1. More and more employees are working from home. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
Suggested outline
Position (demonstration): The advantages outweigh the disadvantages, provided companies put support in place.
Advantages: (1) No commute, so employees have more time to rest and be with their families; (2) companies can use smaller offices and cut rent.
Disadvantages: (1) Communication slows down, and new staff find it harder to learn; (2) the line between work and life blurs, which can lead to burnout.
Weighing sentence: The communication problems can be reduced with regular online meetings, whereas the time saved on commuting is a benefit that cannot be achieved in any other way.
Practice 2. Some people think that a high salary is the most important factor when choosing a job. Others believe that other factors are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Suggested outline
The other view (salary): (1) The cost of living is high, so salary determines quality of life; (2) salary also reflects how much a company values your ability.
My view (other factors): (1) The working environment and relationships with colleagues affect physical and mental health; (2) opportunities to learn and be promoted determine long-term income, so a high starting salary is not always the better deal.
Example: A hypothetical example: a job with a higher starting salary but no training may, after five years, pay less than a job with a lower starting salary and thorough training.
Be careful: the other-view paragraph should be as complete as your own (see Breakdown 4).
Practice 3. Nowadays, many young people change jobs frequently. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development?
Suggested outline
Reasons: (1) Young people care more about achievement and learning, and move on when they are unhappy; (2) online job platforms make information easier to find and changing jobs easier.
Positive or negative: (demonstration) a positive development overall: it builds varied experience and networks (Point 3), although changing too often may make employers doubt your reliability.
Note: a two-question essay must answer both questions, and the second must clearly say positive or negative, not just “there are pros and cons”.
Further reading
- IELTS Task 2 Topic Vocabulary (Part 1): Technology, Environment, Education and Work
- IELTS Task 2 Band 6 Sample: Accept or Improve a Bad Situation? The Both-Views Position Trap
- IELTS Task 2 Band 7 Sample: Should the Working Week Be Shorter?
- IELTS Task 2 Band 7.5 Sample: Competition or Cooperation? Reaching TR 8
- How to Write an IELTS Two-Question Essay: One Question, One Paragraph, Two Points
- How to Write an IELTS Discuss Both Views Essay: Paragraph Order, Conclusions and a Consistent Position
- IELTS study notes overview (in Chinese)
This is the last part of “Work and Careers”. To start again, go back to Part 1.
IELTS Notes in English · Topic Guides (post 2 of 10)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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