In this post: The global food question, my Positive/Negative essay exactly as submitted, and why it scored TR 8, CC 8, LR 7 and GRA 7, criterion by criterion.
Global Food in Supermarkets, Band 7.5 · 3 parts
- 1. Question, essay and scores (you are here)
- 2. What worked and what held it back
- 3. Rewrites, ideas bank and practice
✦ In this post
I wrote this essay (Essay 39) on 28 June 2024, on a question from Cambridge IELTS 19, Test 4. According to my time log, I wrote it from 01:34 to 02:06 in the early hours, taking only 32 minutes, and it came to 304 words. By then I had written about forty essays, my approach to Task 2 had more or less settled, and I was writing faster.
It scored TR 8, CC 8, LR 7 and GRA 7, for an overall 7.5. The criterion scores are exactly the same as my competition vs cooperation essay, but the question type is different: this one is Positive/Negative, so I only had to judge whether the development is good or bad and explain why. I explain criterion by criterion why it got these scores, then pick out what held back LR and GRA. Two problems are especially worth noticing: one is carrying Task 1 chart language into Task 2, and the other is using a “historical fact” as an example that even I cannot confirm today.
1. The question and background
The question in brief: in many countries today, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Is this a positive or a negative development?
| Item | Details |
|---|---|
| Source | Cambridge IELTS 19, Test 4 |
| Question type | Positive or negative development |
| Date written | 28 June 2024 |
| Time taken | 01:34–02:06, about 32 minutes |
| Length | 304 words (my own count at the time) |
| My position | A negative development |
| Two reasons | 1. Long-distance transport causes pollution; 2. Imported food threatens local industry |
Many people’s first instinct on this question is to write “positive”: more choice, and food from every cuisine. I chose negative and came at it from two angles, the environment and the local economy. One reason is about the planet and the other is about domestic industry; because they affect different groups, the two body paragraphs do not overlap. This is the same method I used in my essay on rural people moving to cities (Essay 6): first work out who is affected, then give each group a paragraph.
2. Scores and the original essay (unedited)
Below is the version I submitted for marking, with every error left in.
The original as submitted for marking, unedited (28 June 2024, 304 words)
Currently, residents from a number of nations can easily purchase food from other countries. I firmly believe that this is a negative development because it creates pollutions and posts a threat to domestic industries.
The primary reason why I consider this is a negative development is that imported food always results in pollution due to a long flight or shipment. In other words, it is readily apparent that those modes of transportation need a number of fuels or coals during travels, further leading to global warming. For instance, when shipping a foreign food, greenhouse gas likes carbon dioxide will release into the atmosphere, leading to some environmental problems to our planet. However, if individuals choose to buy domestic goods, which are not necessary for long-distance international shipment, the greenhouse effect will not be deteriorated. Therefore, purchasing foreign food or products is an environmentally unfriendly behavior because of the fuels they used and the pollution they made.
Another factor supporting my opinion is that exotic products always post a threat to domestic food, hindering the development of local economy. Since the demand of each product in a nation is limited, if an increasing number of foreign food imported, the competitiveness that local market needs to face will witness an upward trend simultaneously. For instance, rice from China, which is cheaper, has definitely threatened the industry in Taiwan since 1990. Due to the fact that Chinese labor and raw materials are far cheaper than that in Taiwan, Taiwanese factories lose the whole market share after Chinese rice has been imported. Hence, importing food from other countries sometimes lower the revenue of local manufacturers.
In conclusion, I reiterate that easily purchasing exotic foods in supermarkets is a negative development. This is because it not only leads to pollution during transportation but also threatens the local food industry.
3. Why this essay got 7.5: criterion by criterion
| Criterion | Evidence in this essay | My assessment |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response 8 | The introduction says I firmly believe that this is a negative development, the conclusion says I reiterate that … is a negative development, and both reasons have a complete chain of cause and effect. | A clear position and well-extended ideas; but always overgeneralises in a few places, and the example could be more reliable. |
| Coherence & Cohesion 8 | Both paragraphs follow “claim → explanation → example → wrap-up”, and each ends with Therefore / Hence, bringing it back to the topic. | Clear paragraph logic, complete endings, and most linking words used appropriately. |
| Lexical Resource 7 | modes of transportation, environmentally unfriendly, market share, revenue, raw materials. | posts a threat (should be pose), pollutions, exotic slightly misused, witness an upward trend used in the wrong context. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy 7 | A which are not necessary for … relative clause, a complex Since …, if …, … sentence and Due to the fact that …. | Passive voice errors (will release, will not be deteriorated), a clause missing its verb, and singular/plural agreement errors. |
Task Response 8: every reason is a complete causal chain
Roughly, the TR 8 descriptor says the response sufficiently addresses the task with relevant, extended and supported ideas. Neither reason in this essay is dealt with in a single sentence; each is a full chain. Body 1: imported food travels long distances → transport uses a lot of fuel → carbon dioxide is emitted → global warming gets worse; then However introduces the contrast that local food does not need long-distance transport, and the paragraph concludes that buying imported food is not environmentally friendly. Body 2: a country’s demand for food is limited → more imports mean more competitive pressure on local products → imports are cheaper → local businesses lose the market → their revenue falls.
Every step makes sense, and the reader does not have to fill in any reasoning. That is what “extended” and “supported” mean. Compared with my rural migration essay, which got TR 7, the biggest difference is this habit of going one step further: the example in the band 7 essay stopped at “a lot of infrastructure can’t be built”, whereas this one goes all the way to “local businesses’ revenue falls”.
Coherence & Cohesion 8: every paragraph has an ending
The CC 8 descriptor says, roughly, that information is sequenced logically, all aspects of cohesion are managed well and paragraphing is sufficient and appropriate. This essay has one very good habit: the last sentence of each body paragraph uses Therefore or Hence to bring the paragraph back to its topic. Body 1 ends with Therefore, purchasing foreign food or products is an environmentally unfriendly behavior …, and Body 2 with Hence, importing food from other countries sometimes lower the revenue of local manufacturers. After each paragraph, the examiner is reminded of its main point once more.
In addition, the two topic sentences, The primary reason why I consider … and Another factor supporting my opinion is that …, match the preview in the introduction (creates pollutions and posts a threat to domestic industries) one to one, and the conclusion picks them up again with not only leads to pollution … but also threatens the local food industry. The introduction, body and conclusion line up very neatly.
LR 7 and GRA 7: the errors don’t block understanding, but there are quite a few
Roughly, LR 7 means enough vocabulary with some flexibility, some less common words with awareness of collocation, but occasional errors in word choice; GRA 7 means a variety of complex structures, frequent error-free sentences, but still some errors. Most of the language errors in this essay do not block understanding, and the examiner knows what I want to say. But more than ten things that need fixing in three hundred words is still some distance from band 8’s “only occasional slips”.
If you put this essay next to the competition vs cooperation essay, the error types are very similar: articles, countable vs uncountable nouns, prepositions, active vs passive. That tells me my language errors are quite “fixed”; I am not making different mistakes in every essay. That is good news, because fixed errors are the easiest to catch with a checklist. I suggest you also sort the errors from your last five essays by type. You will usually find that about 80% of them fall into two or three categories.
| Error type | Examples in this essay | How to check |
|---|---|---|
| Uncountable noun + s | pollutions, fuels, foods | After writing, search for pollution, food, information, advice and similar words to see whether you added an s |
| Active / passive | will release, will not be deteriorated | Ask yourself: does the subject do the action, or is it done to the subject? |
| Singular / plural agreement | importing food … lower, that in Taiwan | A gerund subject is always singular; use those to refer back to a plural noun |
| Similar-looking words | posts (should be poses) | List the words you often get wrong and search for each one at the end |
Continue reading · Part 2 of 3
IELTS Notes in English · Band Score Samples (post 17 of 19)
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✦ Target Your Future
Some days you practise for hours and the score still does not move. I hope these notes remind you that the setbacks are part of the road: every recording you replayed, every essay you rewrote and every sentence you finally dared to say is progress you have already made.
I wrote this down so the next person can take fewer detours. You do not have to follow my method exactly. Find a rhythm that works for you, rest when you need to, and come back for the next small step.
I hope what you take away is more than a number on a score report: a little more confidence in yourself, and the courage to step a bit closer to the world.
— Ting
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